Mariah Carey Thought Her Pregnant Body Was 'Rancid,' Prefers Being Bony

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Like all stars who start fronting for The Diet Plan Formerly Known as Jenny Craig [referential gag copyright: Margaret Hartmann], Mariah Carey has been talking about her views on weight loss. Unlike the others, however, she’s quite happy to publicly disclose her crippling body dysmorphia. Saying she felt “rancid” while pregnant, Mimi admits she would wear a towel in the bath so her husband and father of her then-unborn children wouldn’t see her in the ghastly state of pregnancy. “I had a towel on in the tub,” she said. “I’m not lying, I promise you! You think I would let Nick see me looking rancid like that?” And it doesn’t end there, speaking of her excitement of losing 70lbs, she confesses she’s happy she can feel her bones again. FEEL. HER. BONES. “I know it was a number that I never want to see again. I had, like, no bones for a while,” she said, gesturing to her collarbone. “It’s important to me to feel my bones!” Jesus, poor Mariah. [People]

If his recent affair and casting in that mess of a television show hadn’t done enough to sully his public image, Ashton Kutcher knocked it out of the park by Tweeting that the sacking of Penn State child molestation cover-uperer Joe Paterno showed “no class” and was an “insult” to his legacy. After the entire interwebs rained down on his ass, he backtracked: “As an advocate in the fight against child sexual exploitation, I could not be more remorseful for all involved in the Penn St. case. As of immediately I will stop tweeting until I find a way to properly manage this feed. I feel awful about this error. Won’t happen again.” [Daily Mail]
Unsurprisingly, Demi wants him out by Christmas. [Showbiz Spy]

They’ve been knockin’ boots for all of a month, so it’s high time Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds kicked things up a notch. Rather than meeting the parents or abandoning their safe word, the pair are apartment hunting – checking out a three-bedroom, $4.35 million penthouse at 225 Fifth Ave. on Madison Square Park. “When they were done, she left the building first, wearing tall boots, jeans, coat and fedora, and got straight into a Town Car, and then Ryan exited into the same car,” said a delightfully snoopy neighbor. “Her little dog was waiting with the driver in the front seat.” [Page Six]

I realize a lot of people are into them but I can’t seem to muster much more than a blank stare over news that Lauren Conrad was making out with Chace Crawford at a house party. Their reps deny the hook-up while “sources” are salivating, and I don’t know who not to care to believe. The thought is about as sexy as two dry washcloths going at it – complete with the scent of Lauren’s undoubtedly vanilla-based perfume in the air. [US]

George Clooney won’t say whether or not he has a girlfriend, but is happy to talk about jerking off and his love of farts. Telling Rolling Stone about the first time he came – because, you know, why not? – it sounds strangely reminiscent of what some women experienced in junior high gym class. “I believe it was while climbing a rope when I was 6 or 7 years old,” he said. “I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there. I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, ‘Oh, my God, this feels great!'” [SF Gate]

In case Requiem For A Dream didn’t make Darren Aronofsky‘s anti-drug stance quite clear enough, he’s now doing PSAs about meth use. A pretty perfect combination, really. [OMG]

And the Kardashian kraziness kontinues. First out of the gate is Kim‘s ex-publicist Jonathan Jaxson who said that “she knew weeks before getting married she didn’t want to” marry Kris, citing her undying love for Reggie Bush. It’s not the first time she’s staged shit for the cameras – jaws to the floor, right? – with the not very discreet minder saying he staged a whole bunch of stuff. “She was going to go shopping with her grandmother and her mom and we said, ‘Let’s do something to get more press for you.’ She said, ‘Perfect. Let me go to a ring store and walk out as if Reggie Bush were proposing to me … I have ring I love and adore – it’s seven carats. I’ll keep it in my purse.'” [Page Six]
Figuring her family aren’t getting enough press at the moment, Kris Jenner is still flogging that book of hers and reveals that she cheated on her dead husband, Robert, with the breathlessness of erotic fan fiction: “His name was Ryan, and he was a producer. We had wild sex everywhere, all the time.” [Page Six]
Kim is quieter than usual, focusing all her attention on learning her lines as if scripted dialogue was a foreign concept. [NYDN]
According to Kris, Kim won’t be selling a divorce interview. “She will not be selling a divorce interview and plans to continue to donate to charities,” she said, winking. [Radar]

  • Selma Blair revealed that she used to be homeless at the Versace for H&M party, saying that her designer clothes addiction didn’t help matters. [E!]
  • In vaguely related news, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley isn’t doing much for the advancement of models, the brains trust saying that all women should treat themselves to a pair of Christian Louboutin’s and those that can’t afford them should put aside “a dollar a week,” exclaiming: “It’s worth it girls. It is really worth it!” At roughly 700 clams a pair, you too can afford to feel sexy in as little as 14 years. [US]
  • Just because Conrad Murray was convicted of killing a man while on the clock doesn’t mean he has to give up his day job. Makes sense. [E!]
  • Michael Jackson‘s literal death bed is for sale. Stay classy Julien’s Auctions! [E!]
  • In equally sophisticated news, find out what Bea Arthur used to eat for breakfast in The Dead Celebrity Cookbook. [People]
  • She not only has issues with her housekeepers, Nicki Minaj also came to verbal blows with her facialist – who hints she might be on drugs. [Radar]
  • Celebrity chef Mario Batali warms up the room with jokes about Hitler, race and women. A trifecta of press. [Ministry Of Gossip]
  • Robert Pattinson said he became an actor to meet girls. Getting with Kristen Stewart makes it a success, but it doesn’t have the plurality he probably initially imagined. [E!]
  • A 21-year-old Madonna‘s punk rock job application. [Daily Mail]
  • Evan Rachel Wood is not engaged says Evan Rachel Wood. [E!]
  • Heavy D‘s body in the same morgue where Lindsay Lohan works. [TMZ]
  • Clearly not as tired as us when it came to the constant bump watching, Jessica Simpson says she wants to be “pregnant forever” and is planning on a lot of kids. [E!]
  • We think she’d do just fine, but Freida Pinto says she was “relieved” to have a butt double on her latest film. [US]
  • Britney may be up on stage every night, but it’s her dad Jamie who stands to make a cool $500K for his self-imposed baby-sitting service. [TMZ]
  • Enrolled in the Kirstie Alley school of yo-yo dieting, Kevin Federline is determined to get back in shape to beat depression. Power to him. [US]
  • Zsa Zsa Gabor is back in hospital. The poor old duck. [E!]
  • Trying my best to bite my tongue after hearing Andy Rooney‘s college roommate was revived after going into cardiac arrest at a his memorial service. [TMZ]
  • Stephen Dorff talks about avoiding men breasts and chest acne. [Vulture]
  • Patrick Swayze‘s niece is “secretly” married to a neo-Nazi. He was also linked to an assassination plot against Barack Obama. Nice. [Radar]
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