Old People Ruin My Dreams of a Sedentary Life

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You know, I’ve always been excited about being old because I thought I could be like my grandmother: relaxed, full of life, smoking a cigarette from a bitch stick while calling the police on my neighbors, but then these people come along and mess up my entire fantasy. Now I have to dance? I don’t even have the energy to “sit and be fit” and I’m a spring chicken. (I’m more like a late autumn chicken, but still.)

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