Please Don't Masturbate Over Tom Hiddleston in Public

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Please Don't Masturbate Over Tom Hiddleston in Public

If you’re going to be in public at a Broadway show, where various people probably spent whatever small amount of money they have to be there—please don’t loudly masturbate at the sight of Tumblr-famous “heartthrob” Tom Hiddleston. Not only is that frankly unsanitary but it ropes everyone around you into an experience they didn’t consent to! Anyway, Page Six reports that a woman was seen masturbating in the audience at “Betrayal,” a Broadway show starring the actor at the Bernard B. Jacobs theatre:

A commenter on the All That Chat message board revealed that a person in their row at the performance, a well-dressed “young woman in her thirties,” felt the Harold Pinter play deeply — and she wasn’t Loki about it. “My companion could feel a rhythmic banging against his armrest, punctuated by occasional low moans and giggles,” the unwitting voyeur said. “[It] got faster and faster until there was one slightly louder ‘Ha’, and she resumed her normal seat position, put her head back and closed her eyes.”

Later in the second act, the woman reportedly “kicked off Round Two” while Hiddleston made out with Zawé Ashton. Page Six also speculates that after clapping “enthusiastically” at the play’s end, she “quickly exited, perhaps to light a cigarette.” [Page Six]

Brad Pitt surprised many when he suddenly appeared at Kanye West’s “Sunday Services” over Labor Day weekend. (None more than Kendall Jenner, who fled the scene after Pitt arrived, purportedly star struck) Now, during the press tour for Ad Astra, he’s opening up about the “really delightful experience.” During an interview with ET at a special screening for Ad Astra, this transpired:

Interviewer: How did [going to the service] come about, and the people want to know, who is your fav Kardashian?
Brad: I will not pick favorites. But I think he was doing something really special there. It’s a pure celebration of life and people. It’s really delightful. It really is.

In other developments surrounding the star-studded worship ministry, Kim Kardashian revealed last week that the program is expanding: “It’s traveling to other churches, it’s just become this amazing thing.” But, she stresses, it’s focused on the music. If any sermon happens, which isn’t a given, it’s because traveling pastors will come and “say a few words.” With Brad Pitt joining the many, many, many celebrities now frequenting West’s services—one clearly modeled after Hillsong—expect the “Venusian fertility cult” to grow in popularity and scope in the coming year. [ET]

Movie pitch: You wake up on a private plane 45,000 miles above the ocean with no memory and no belongings. This is the first thing you see.

  • Jameela Jamil got some teeth work done. [People]
  • Wendy Williams thinks Christie Brinkley’s DWTS injury was a staged attempt to get her daughter on the show. (And that it looks “fake as hell”) [ET]
  • Rachel Bilson joins the pantheon of mildly famous women dating infinitely less famous Bachelor nobodies. [Us Weekly]
  • Maybe Jennifer Lawrence and Cooke Maroney are married, maybe they aren’t. [Page Six]
  • There’s… um… [checks notes]… a new Mandy Moore song out. And… one second… [shuffles papers] it’s called “When I Wasn’t Watching.” [People]
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