President Trump and Melania Visit Iraq, Smooch


Hope you’re enjoying this erotic photo.

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Trump visited troops in Iraq as a belated Christmas gift, though a lump of coal may have been preferable. The surprise trip occurred while Trump is in hot water over at home over withdrawing troops from Syria, prompting a partial government shutdown, and lauding an economy that’s taking more dips than my toe in a cold-ass pool. So, maybe Trump preferred to be at a military base in Iraq, surrounding by soldiers eager for a selfie, than in Washington. Anyway, let’s enhance this photo 500,000 percent. [CNN]
  • In other Trump news, the Christmas sermon they attended maybe kind of sort of shat on the Trump administration through the word of God. [Washington Post]
  • And here’s an interesting story about the Queens podiatrist who may have helped Trump avoid the draft. [New York Times]
  • Deparment of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen is handing this whole “children-seeking-asylum-at-the-border-and-dying-in-US-custody” crisis really poorly:
  • Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker lied on his resume. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Local organizers cancel Chicago Woman’s March over anti-Semitism controversy. [Chicago Sun Times]
  • The Washington Post discovered that more than four million children experienced school lockdowns last school year, making them a terrifying new normal. [Washington Post]
  • Alaska Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski plans to back a bill that will help protect Native women. [Huffington Post]
  • Remember the leaked detention facility recording of a girl asking for her mother after enduring the Trump administration’s family separation policy last summer? Well, the girl has since been reunited with her mother and had a nice Christmas! [MSNBC]
  • Eric Trump likes canned cranberry sauce, the only good opinion he has. [Twitter/@TrumpsAlert]
  • Kill me.

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.

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