President Trump Disappointed the Military Hasn't Roughed Up More Asylum Seekers

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• At a fundraiser in San Antonio, Texas, President Trump expressed disappointment that his troops-rough-up-asylum-seekers-at-the-border fanfiction has yet to become a reality. “Our military can’t act like a military would act,” said Trump. “Because if they got a little rough, everybody would go crazy.” Trump also used the roundtable to spread more lies about dangerous migrants and the effectiveness of his fantasy wall. [NY Times/NBC News]

• SPIES!!! -Attorney General William Barr [CNN]
• Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand owned up to having shitty stances on immigration in the past. [Politico]
• Polls indicate that Democrats really don’t give a fuck about Joe Biden’s chronic inability to keep his hands to himself. [Politico]
• One in six migrant children in the U.S. are residing in a shelter owned by a private equity firm. Normal timeline we’ve got here. [Forbes]
• White nationalists are projecting onto Andrew Yang. [Mother Jones]
• Sen. Bernie Sanders rolled out a more expansive Medicare-for-all proposal. [Washington Post]
• We’re getting another Trump baby. [People]
• Let’s take a journey back to March 2015, when J.K. Rowling apparently revealed that Moaning Myrtle’s real name is… Myrtle Elizabeth Warren. I have no words, folks!

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.