Reader Roundup

By Dodai Stewart  |  April 2, 2009 | 8:40pm

The comments of the day:

Ladies and gentlemen.
The nominees are:

  • 1. In response to Runway’s In, Britney’s Glam, And Topshop, Topshop, Topshop!!!!: “This week designers, you will be required to design an ensemble for a woman who has fallen in love with the handsome and mysterious man who runs the feed store in the rural town she has recently moved to but is still literally haunted by the man she lost in a bizarre fish tank cleaning accident who may or may not have been her brother. Make it work!”
  • 2. In response to Family Affair: “Eh. My mom posed for Budweiser calendars, my dad was a hobo, my secret dad was a North Carolina politician and a once lived in a cardboard box with my pregnant 13-year-old cousin. Suck it, Allegra.”
  • 3. In response to Brave Reporter Takes On The Sacred Cow Of 1950s Suburbia: “Hey, these rules can be positive, if you think about it!
    – Have dinner ready- Have the oven preheated and the muffin buttered before your husband comes home. Make sure area of activity is clean.
    – Prepare yourself- listen to sexy music beforehand, or do whatever you do before coital activity. Have a few rubbers handy and a bottle of lube. A man that can’t penetrate is a failed man.
    – Clear away the clutter- Do the landscaping if you’ve been slacking on it. Your man does NOT want to chew your pussy hairs. And take a damn shower, woman!
    – Prepare the children- your brood might be scarred for life hearing the sounds of you calling him ‘Daddy’ and him making gazelle noises. Make sure they’re asleep or can’t hear before you fuck like animals.
    – When he arrives home, greet him at the door with nothing but stilettos on and let him slam you on the ground in the living room while he pillages your anus. He’ll thank you for it.”

 
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