Apparently, a Worm Ate ‘a Portion’ of RFK’s Brain. Then, It Died There.

In news that has abruptly answered every question regarding the psychosis exhibited by presidential hopeful, Robert F. Kennedy: A worm lived rent-free in his brain for a time. Then, after missing no meals, it died there. Rest in power, etc., etc.

On Wednesday, the New York Times reported that during a 2012 deposition, the 70-year-old independent candidate for president said he was diagnosed with an abnormality that one doctor claimed was caused by a worm that found its way into Kennedy’s brain, ate a portion of it, then died there. There’s been no confirmation of the worm’s size, nor how substantive that portion was but if Kennedy’s bizarre assertions are any indication, I’m willing to wager it was at least as long (and as hungry) as the Dune worm or that other one from the Spongebob Squarepants episode.

During the deposition (which was a part of his divorce proceedings from his previous wife), Kennedy said he had been suffering from memory loss and brain fog in recent years and, after consulting what’s described as “top doctors,” he was presented with the worm theory.

Meanwhile, representatives from Kennedy’s campaign declined to provide his medical records to the publication. In a statement to CNN, however, a spokesperson said he had “traveled extensively in Africa, South America and Asia” as part of his environmental efforts and that he had contracted a parasite during one of those trips.

“The issue was resolved more than 10 years ago and he is in robust physical and mental health,” the representative told CNN. “Questioning Mr. Kennedy’s health is a hilarious suggestion, given his competition.” In all fairness, she’s not wrong. I imagine if a doctor took a look at Biden and Trump’s brains, they’d find more (or a lot more missing) than one ravenous worm.

Even still, Kennedy’s proclivity for conspiracy theories should probably be examined in a new light given this past diagnosis…