Sad Chris Christie Refuses to Accept He's Been Friendzoned by America 


New Jersey Governor Chris Christie: just a boy standing in front of a state, pleading with that state to return his calls. The New York Times reports that in a bid to revive his struggling presidential candidacy, he’s launched a charm offensive on the state officials of New Hampshire, conducted mostly by text.

Christie is currently polling at three percent, and was recently relegated to the kid’s table GOP debates after being forced to prepare for the October one in a bathroom. None of that looks great, per se, and so he’s focused his elaborate charms on New Hampshire, the first state that runs their primary.

In phrasing that I personally will never forgive him for, the Times’ Michael Barbaro says Christie has become “a dedicated but playful texter” of leading state bigwigs. Like Donna Sytek, former House Speaker, whose hotline he’s been blinging with vigor:

When she told the governor after a meeting that he was among her top three choices for president, he shot her a message as he headed to the airport.
“Happy to be in your top three. I want to be no. 1,” Christie wrote.
Follow-up messages soon arrive. “Time to talk?” he asked.

About 100 state leaders have endorsed Christie, Barbaro writes, and those who haven’t “withstand a seemingly nonstop campaign to publicly side with him.” All that has led to what ABC refers to as a “resurgence,” which is a little much, although he did score one major victory: an endorsement from the Union Leader newspaper, calling him “a solid, pro-life conservative who has managed to govern in liberal New Jersey.”

You have to get your friends where you can, we guess—particularly when your actual hometown hates your guts.

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Christie in East Hempstead, New Hampshire, October 7, 2015. Photo via AP Images

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