Service journalism at its finest.


No Valentines? No boyfriend? No problem! We can proudly bring you Hotprisonpals – for all your criminal romantic needs.

“Get your book of stamps and lick your envelopes. We have a prison line up to die for this time. 10 studs are have been [sic] ordered to open their hearts to you on your favorite site with the hottest pen pal inmates (that’s us!) ever compiled. We have scoured the prison floors and checked each bunk bed, both top and bottom, looking for the men that you have dreamed about writing, but just didn’t know where to find them — until now! Don’t have a Valentine yet? Well you do now! Happy Valentine’s day!!!”

Want to meet a few of these felonious studs? Join us after the jump!

Meet Chris:

His hobbies include: “hanging out with friends, playing play station 2, watching football and slaughtering pampering the woman I’m with.” Bonus? He’ll be released to beat you senseless and steal your drugs in October this year!

Not your cup of tea? Then how about Dusty:

He’s got a ‘heart of gold’ and isn’t into games or lies, just armed robbery. He’s out this month, so hurry hurry hurry, he’s got a bank in Kansas to rob on March 3rd.

We think Ron is actually pretty cute:

But alas, he’s got no release date. Damn those pesky 25 women he butchered!

Dig in girls. Let’s face it, we’re not getting any younger.

[for when we get REALLY desperate. Next month, maybe]

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