Skyline Chili Owner Has the Funniest Goddamn Quotes About Skyline
Generally, it’s the job of a restaurateur to talk about how great their product is in order to entice customers. If you own a Skyline Chili franchise, however, that’s apparently impossible, because some lies are just too huge for the human brain to even attempt to propagate.
Mark Keilholz is a Skyline Chili franchise owner in Dayton, Ohio, which is great, because it’s always good to attach a name to the food equivalent of a war criminal. He’s also apparently really, really grumpy about the FDA forcing him to put calorie counts on Skyline’s menu (which they’re requiring pretty much everywhere as part of the ACA), but really, who gives a shit about that? Honestly, I wouldn’t have bothered even writing about this if Keilholz’s quotes about his own pride and joy restaurant weren’t so goddamned funny.
It should be obvious from looking at the above picture that we’re talking about something any unbiased observer can see is hot diarrhea. I mean, look at that thing. It looks like someone took a poop on the world’s most depressing plate of spaghetti, then tried to cover up what they did by emptying an entire bag of industrial-grade shredded cheeselike product on top of it. That image of technically-encheesened fecal pasta is their honest effort to make their product look as appealing as humanly possible, and that was the best they could do. They had one job, and you can’t even blame them for failing at it. Given this fact, it shouldn’t be all that surprising that even franchise owners can’t bring themselves to describe the food as “good.”
For instance, here’s Keilholz on his regulars: