The Best Worst Neg You've Ever Heard


One of the most mockable compliments we get as Jezebel staffers is the “I usually hate Jezebel, but…” compliment, which usually comes from male readers who are so shocked and proud of us for writing something that they don’t entirely hate that they reach out and graciously deliver this incredibly backhanded compliment. It’s the prime example of the professional neg.

The term “negging” was coined by pickup artists in the dating world, but the concept—intentionally lowering a woman’s self esteem so that she’ll try to impress you—exists everywhere. You can be negged in a bar or negged in the office. You can be negged by random internet commenters or close friends. To be negged is to be human, which means that almost everyone has a negging story. For today’s Pissing Contest, we want to hear yours.

But first, allow us to present the winner of Your Most Disastrous Family Vacation. Congratulations…

Raised_by_Heathens Lifestyle Guru!

My mom’s family is from S. Florida, so “family vacation” always meant “visit Gramma and Grampa in Ft. Lauderdale. Cool. It has a beach! My grandparents live like, on the damn beach so my brother and I would jump out of the car, throw on a swim suit and run head long into the water on a semi public-ish beach (houses, no life guard open to the public kind of deal). So this one summer I go tear assing into the water and straight into one of the largest jellyfish schools to ever float by South FLA. I emerge from the surf a horrible pain monster with tentacles wrapped around my arms and legs and throat already turning a bright red. I look like the last girl in a slasher flick. My mother is screaming and pulling tentacles off of me and trying to remember what will reduce the pain and yelling for someone to bring a car and take me to the ER. This is the point where a good samaritan (???) runs up, tells my mother with great authority that ammonia will reduce the inflammation- “Ma’am ammonia! Like in urine!” He proceeds to drop trou in front of an already freaking out 10 year old me and my hysterical mother and unleash a cascade of piss in my face, and over my seared jellyfish tortured body. Finally my dad has shown up with the car and they trundle my pee scented body off to the hospital. ONLY when we finally get to medical professionals do my parents realize that… dude, a guy just URINATED on our underage daughter. That is NOT COOL. But by the time the cops get to the beach the mysterious beach whizzing wunderkind has already disappeared. Probably to go pee on someone new.

There were a lot of great stories, but only one involved a stranger peeing in someone’s face. This is Pissing Contest, after all.

And now onto your stories of the best worst negs you’ve ever heard. I’m sure that you—despite your overwhelming lack of creativity—will come up with something halfway decent.

Contact the author at [email protected].

Image via Warner Bros.

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