The Cannes Fashion Spectrum


The big names showed up at the 64th Annual Cannes Film Festival for premieres like Tree of Life, Melancholia and La Conquete with looks ranging from glamorous to grim.

Color aside, Angie’s dress had an ’80s prom vibe. Other than that, this couple looks so fucking flawless that they don’t even look like real people. Those may as well be Madame Tussauds wax figures.

Also at the Tree of Life premiere were Gwen Stefani, her husband Gavin Rossdale, and her breast plate. I like that she wore a pantsuit romper, but I’m assuming that it must’ve been impossible for her to urinate all night, because of how the lapels are taped to her skin to avoid a nip slip.

What else can be said about Zoe Saldana’s dress other than the fact that it’s gorgeous and not boring?

Fan Bingbing just knows what she’s doing. For me, she always strikes a perfect balance of classic glamor edgy humor. I’m a Fan fan at Cannes.

The Crops Bride: Editor of Vogue Japan Anna Dello Russo wore a wedding dress and gilded wheat.

Milla Jovovich was going on and on on her Twitter account about how Miuccia Prada made her dress specifically for her to wear to the La Conquete premiere and how it was going to blow our minds. It’s nice and all but my mind is intact.

Instead of wearing a gown, Eva Herzigova plucked something off the wardrobe rack at a Nair commercial shoot; Kiera Chaplin went with ’40s-style glamor; and Jodie Foster looked chic and modern.

Model Julia Saner’s ruffle dress narrowly avoided going into Swamp Thing territory.

While everyone else looked like a million bucks, Reem Kherici decided to dress up as $1—and I seriously cannot figure out if that’s supposed to be Arnold or Ronald.

OMG, how embarrassing. Red carpet nightmare! So, who wore it best?

Charlotte Gainsbourg didn’t let being incredibly pregnant stop her from wearing strappy shoes or a see-thru top.

Whenever I think of edgy European fashion I always think of that montage in European Vacation when Griswolds use their insurance money to go shopping for new clothes. That’s what Kirsten Dunst’s dress reminds me of—which is not to say that I think it’s a bad thing.

Things were much more messy at other events around town. Although nothing says fancy when you dress up as a leaf and hold a banana.

Famous men and the muumuu-wearers w love them.

Here’s the thing about Carine Roitfeld: I understand that people think she’s really awesome and stuff, but to me she just reminds me of the girls I went to high school with in New Jersey who used to wake up at 5:45 to flat iron their hair and put on a bunch of makeup before the sun came up, and then were all tired looking by sixth period. It’s actually an aesthetic that is near and dear to my heart, but only in the proper context.

Someone needs to tell Karolina Kurkova that just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

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