The Goops Are Fighting (and Apparently Not Having Sex!)

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The Goops Are Fighting (and Apparently Not Having Sex!)

As I’ve been saying for weeks now, it must be very, very hard to live in a sprawling Los Angeles mansion during California’s shelter-in-place orders. The richer a person is, the more space they occupy as a human being. Just try and imagine living with four people in an 8000-square-foot Brentwood estate, like Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk? If I were them, I wouldn’t be having sex either!

In a new Goop video entitled “How Do You Find Intimacy In These Uncertain Times,” Paltrow and Falchuk spoke to intimacy coach Michaela Boehm. At one point, Paltrow admits: “We’re lucky that we have a really solid relationship but we’re also in the house with the kids and it’s pretty close quarters.” Once again, that “close quarters” is Goop’s massive, 8000-square-foot property in the swanky Brentwood neighborhood of Los Angeles.

Goop also wondered what she and Falchuk should do about sex, considering they’re “all in the house and you’ve got dogs, and work, and work from home.” Relatable! Boehm, however, warned Goop that “the female body when put under stress goes into survival mode,” meaning women won’t feel like having sex right now. Gender essentialism (and my questions about what “female bodies” look like to Boehm) aside, I’ll say for myself—I’m having the most sex of my life during shelter-in-place. Maybe my body just isn’t female enough! Boehm continues:

“Food, comfort and eating sweets to up the body fat; most women are reporting these are the things they want to do. They don’t want so much pleasure. Opening to pleasure leads to all others sorts of emotions. It’s fairly normal for women to have emotional response in the context of sexual pleasure and orgasm, crying, even anger things like that.”

How scientific! Boehm also advertises her “pleasure course,” which women can take when the boredom “kicks in” in a few weeks and they need to “engage with their senses.” If you want the budget option, skip to the end of the below video for a quick exercise you can do with yourself or whoever you please at an appropriate level of social distance, designed to cleanse your pores (or something) of “built up trauma’ in the body, and to activate our ‘native self-cleaning mechanism.” [Daily Mail]

Remember how showrunners teased the real identity of Gossip Girl for seasons upon seasons, leaving the show’s tweenage fanbase to ravage each other like wild animals? I remember not speaking to my sister for a few days in middle school because she was convinced that Serena was clearly Gossip Girl. To me, Blair was obviously Gossip Girl, and anyone who disagreed with me clearly didn’t have a brain. Of course, neither of those guesses proved true. But who cares! Gossip Girl is everyone and no one at all, including Leighton Meester’s new baby!

The multi-hyphenate talent didn’t so much announce her new pregnancy as it was revealed in paparazzi pictures. (Although, I do wonder—who called the paps?) Anyway, this will be her second kid with husband Adam Brody, who is likely still reeling after last week’s touching message from ex-girlfriend and O.C. costar Rachel Bilson, who apologized for breaking his heart and claimed he did good for himself in the aftermath. I’d agree, considering he’s married to Meester with a second kid coming down the turnpike! [Us Weekly]

Justin and Hailey Bieber are still kissing.

Lady Gaga made a very normal and unforced announcement about an announcement she can’t talk about yet on The Tonight Show.

Stella McCartney is finding new ways to promote her brand, including pushing all her celebrity friends down the stairs!

Patti LuPone is still playing dressup.

  • Is Ben Affleck gonna have a baby? [Us Weekly]
  • I know more about Bindi Irwin’s wedding than I would want to. [People]
  • Luann de Lesseps’s former assistant has turned on her, and I wonder: How many other celeb assistants will do the same in coming months? [Page Six]
  • R.I.P. to Hannah Brown’s brief sabbatical in Tyler Cameron’s bed. [Us Weekly]
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