The Secret to Understanding What Your Cat Is Trying to Tell You, Maybe

This video posted on Catster (AKA THE GREATEST CAT NEWS-RELATED BLOG OF ALL TIME), offers some interesting insight into what your cat is trying to convey. Most of these won’t come as a surprise to hardcore cat overlord worshipers (they teach cat body language in the re-education camps cat owners are forced to attend when they are perceived to be lacking in their duties.)

I appreciate this attempt to decipher cat body language, but I rely on my own translations that were smuggled out of the Cat Overlord base command compound and decoded by a highly elite team of code breakers:

• Cat flicks its tail—I despise the pitiful gravel receptacle you forged for me to use as a restroom, therefor I have left my waste in a pair of your shoes. Don’t worry—they aren’t ones you wear all the time, so you won’t immediately notice. Just when you’re going out to a special occasion or when you start to wonder where the smell is coming from.
• Cat rolls on back—You are an asshole and the only reason I have not clawed your eyes out and left you to bleed to death is because I enjoy mocking you and your buffoonery to all the other cats in the neighborhood.
• Cat lifts its ears—I swear to GOD, if you buy that cheap, crappy food again I will “accidentally” trip you on the basement stairs.
• Cat rubs its body on your legs—SOON ALL OF YOUR HUMAN KINGDOMS WILL BE MINE.

Many, many men died to help get this list, so please. Use it wisely.