This Bathing Suit Will Literally Burn Your Eyes Off [NSFL Or Beyond]


I am using the term literally correctly here, so please proceed in the way you would if you were watching a solar eclipse that ends with an explosion and the immediate heat death of the universe.

Now that you’ve been warned: The following suit, worn by cast members of the popular show The Only Way Is Essex cover absolutely nothing and yet manage to stay up through a clever system of ropes and pulleys that must be inserted directly through the anal opening and attached with a clamp to the intestine closest to the rectum. It takes two hours of anesthesia and a surgical team of five to attach and remove. And all for a European version of Housewives meets Jersey Shore.

Here’s the front, which was tweeted late last week and has been retweeted so many times that hospitals are now closing their emergency rooms due to the many who are coming in with hideous burns to their facial areas:

Unfortunately, the back, which depicts the machine that holds these pantaloons is not on Twitter probably due to safety and decency laws. You can view it on Cosmopolitan (which has a thorough write-up of what this show is all about) or News.Com. Or both, if you just can’t get enough (no you just can’t get enough).

Full disclosure: I think the creators of this swimsuit once followed me on Twitter but quickly deleted me when I didn’t add them back. Mainly because then I would never be able to look at my Twitter feed on the bus and I MUST BE CLOSE TO MY TWITTER AT ALL TIMES.

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