This Week In Tabloids: Rihanna Loves Chris, Mischa's "Skin & Bones"

Us
“Octo Mom’s Dark Secrets.”
In a paid interview from the UK, Nadya Suleman says she hasn’t had sex in eight years and when she was growing up, her parents had separate bedrooms and “stayed in the marriage” for her. The mag talks to a neighbor who says, “I asked her once if she was a virgin and she said she’s not.” Sorry? You asked your neighbor what? According to legal documents, Suleman had a boob job when she was 18. The story goes on for 8 pages, and includes stuff you don’t want to know, like maybe Suleman was depressed after her back injury and didn’t want to have sex with her husband, which led to their divorce. But by talking to The Sun and The Daily Mail, she made about $227,000. Which is what, three weeks of diapers and food for 14 kids? The president of TLC confirms that the channel has been in touch with Suleman, but says, “We are still watching this story evolve.” In other words, if she’s actually cuckoo for cocoa puffs and everyone hates her, we won’t give her a show! Next: Angela Kinsey, who plays Angela on The Office and had a baby in May, has separated from her husband of eight years. She won’t be able to avoid the family, because his brother, Paul Lieberstein, also stars on The Office. Lastly: “How Rihanna’s Coping” claims that Rihanna has been telling everyone she is sorry, even though it’s not her fault. A source says that Chris and Rihanna had broken up a week before the incident. During the relationship, Chris used to make little insults when Rihanna’s hair wasn’t done, and make fun of her accent. He tried to make her jealous by laughing in her presence over inside jokes with Jordan Sparks. Chris choreographed a dirty dance with Ciara for the BET awards in 2008, and afterward, Rihanna was all, “What the hell was that?” Chris said: “You can be replaced.”
Grade: D+ (neck crick)

Star
“I Still Love Him!”
A friend says Rihanna knows there is another side to Chris Brown, a “kinder, gentler” side, and right now, she loves and misses that man. An insider says she’s already forgiven Chris for the “misunderstanding,” as she puts it, and has reached out to Chris with numerous texts and phone calls. But! The mag obtained text messages from a woman named Tiffany — sent by Chris Brown the night before Chris and Rihanna performed at Madison Square Garden in December. Tiffany walked past Chris and his posse on the street, and Chris sent a posse member over. Phone numbers were exchanged. Chris called and said, “I’m at the London Hotel, do you want to hang out?” Tiffany got nervous. She texted him: Can I bring my sister? Chris wrote back, “Yeah, is she single?” Tiffany let Chris know that she had a boyfriend but that her sister was indeed single, and Chris wrote: “When u come here, all that doesn’t matter.” Star traced the phone number and it is registered to Chris Brown’s production company! Next: Rachel Zoe is very thin (Fig.7). Rachel McAdams is practically living in Josh Lucas’s NYC apartment. Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson are engaged. Jessica Simpson asked her Dukes Of Hazzard trainer to help her monitor her diet, but she’s having trouble sticking to the 1250 calorie a day regimen (um, because that’s not enough to live on?). The magazine writes: “Jessica’s most recent violation was indulging in the terrible trio of chicken wings, nachos and booze.” An insider says: “She can’t resist junk food. She literally needs to be watched 24/7.” Or left alone!?!?! Blind item: “Which aging action hero borrows from his wife’s underwear drawer? His newly slim frame is all thanks to Spanx! He wears the ladies’ hose under his designer suits.” Awesome story of the week: “Ellen and Portia: It’s Baby Time!” The mag actually prints this sentence: “First came love, then came marriage. Now Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are ready for the baby carriage.” Apparently Ellen has given Portia the greenlight to get IVF. Ellen’s brother Vance may donate sperm! “They’d love to have a boy,” says an insider. Moving on: Britney will be making money again when she goes on her Circus tour, which is good news to the more 100 people (!!!) on her payroll. She spends the bulk of her earnings on her staff, treating them to manicures, massages and clothes. But! A spy sez: “Sometimes Brit wonders why she has to pay her dad. Because there are days when all he does is watch sports and make pie.” Her dad gets $200,000 a year for being the conservator of her estate; her mom gets $180,000 for being her mom. Next there’s yet another story about Mischa Barton being “Skin And Bones.” Apparently Mischa told someone she wants her bones to stick out. She barely eats and she’s taking diet pills, claims a “friend.” Nicole Richie and Rachel Zoe are friends again, which freaks out Joel Madden, who blames Rachel for Nic’s drastic dieting. Lastly: Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift were making fun of people backstage at the Grammys. A source says they “seem sweet, but can act like snotty little brats.” Miley’s mom and dad bicker nonstop at home; and Miley’s boyfriend/aspiring singer Justin Gaston, who lives with them, walks around in his underwear, which upsets Billy Ray. A spy says: “Justin recently devoured an entire apple pie that Billy Ray was looking forward to eating when he got home!”
Grade: C (sore shoulders)

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