Trump Thinks ICE Needs a Rebrand. We Have Some Ideas!

This year, Immigration and Customs Enforcement and the Department of Homeland Security have suffered significant damage to their reputation—their masked thugs murdered citizens, kidnapped families off the streets, and committed countless more atrocities behind the walls of their detention centers/concentration camps. You know—classic PR nightmare!

In January, after the murders of Renee Good and Alex Pretti were captured on video and witnessed across the globe, it became impossible for the Department of Homeland Security to spin peaceful protest as “domestic terrorism.” Still, they tried, but unfortunately for ICE, Americans weren’t blind. By March, a YouGov poll found that roughly 50% of Americans supported abolishing ICE, a record high. So what does Trump do when his authoritarian tactics aren’t polling well? Propaganda!

On Sunday, Trump shared a screenshot to Truth Social of a tweet from user alyssamariee11, reading “I want Trump to change ICE to NICE (National Immigration and Customs Enforcement) so the media has to say NICE agents all day, every day.”

“GREAT IDEA!!! DO IT,” Trump wrote above the post. On Monday, with the help of their nazi-curious propaganda artist, the White House Twitter account posted an illustration of the new and improved “NICE” agent, depicted kneeling and embracing a child, while a giant American flag waves above their heads. Isn’t that just so NICE?

ICE ➡️ NICE AGENTS.

‘National Immigration and Customs Enforcement.’ DO IT! pic.twitter.com/ILwl6gVx6j

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) April 27, 2026

But as long as we’re on the topic of rebranding, we have some more accurate names. For example…

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Vice Agents

Because the former Secretary of Homeland Security was known for several vices, including infidelity, canicide, and wearing stupid hats. (The administration as a whole has been struggling to get a handle on its vices, so this name checks out!)

Imprecise Agents

Because they don’t bother to verify who they’re arresting, or whether there’s any legal basis for it at all. If they want to meet those arbitrary quotas, arresting anyone will do.

Anti-Christ Agents

Because ICE agents may not realize that the cross around their neck is based on a pretty famous book that emphasizes welcoming strangers, immigrants, and refugees.

Criminal Accomplice agents

because of the role they play in enforcing Trump’s authoritarian fantasy. 

Other honorable mentions include:

InjustICE agents

MalpractICE agents

Blood SacrifICE Agents

Third ReIC(E)h Agents

And…

Half-PrICE Agents

Because they were barely trained, never prepared, and sourced from the bottom of the barrel of unemployed losers with low IQs. If you insist on an acronym, how about the Harebrained Asshole LowliFe Pathetic Racist Inept and Carelessly Evil Agents! Rolls right off the tongue.

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Got another suggestion? Please share, and if Trump really likes it, you might end up as the next guy in line for whatever woman he fires next.