Well, Brittany Cartwright's ShoeDazzle Collection Kinda Slaps

By Maria Sherman | August 29, 2019 | 4:30pm

Beauty Style

Well, Brittany Cartwright's ShoeDazzle Collection Kinda Slaps

File under: unexpected delights. Vanderpump Rules’s Brittany Cartwright, the sweet Kentucky women burdened by her love of super villain Jax Taylor, has launched a shoe collection with ShoeDazzle. Like Stassi Schroeder’s JustFab line before it, I’m genuinely surprised by the tastefulness and eclecticism of the collection. Like, I’m picky as hell, but I’d actually wear some of this stuff. The footwear is much more Los Angeles than Louisville, and I am slightly disappointed by the lack of cowboy boot, but some of this shit is pretty cute. Here are my findings:

With the very real exception that this boot doesn’t come in wide (come on, Cartwright, what the eff), I think they’re kind of great? They come in a range of color blocked styles (see the image at the top of this post) but I’m partial to the zebra/leopard monstrosity. Imagine: you could look like Cruella de Vil for $11.24. What a world.

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How fashionable is this fashion?: 3/5? Mixing prints is stylish, and the fashion industry loves to exclude the plus size community, so an extra point has been awarded for the lack of consideration.

Those colorways are undeniable! Mustard for fall, blue for mods, black for goths (me.) These are super ‘60s without being overwhelmingly derivative and therefore boring… I guess “classic” is the word. Anyway, these are dope.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 4/5

As someone who grew up in Western Europe in the early ‘00s, I’ve had enough of the department store, flat-bottom, slouchy riding boots that littered H&M for too many years, but if you’re trying to look fashionable in unappealing weather conditions, I’m sure these will do the trick. They’re only available in basic colors because they are a basic shoe.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 1/5, but only because I’m bitter.

This is a perfect heeled bootie and anyone who says otherwise is simply incorrect. Oddly enough, the only colors I like are black, red, and leopard, so I do feel slightly attacked here, but not enough to do anything about it other than consider buying them.

How fashionable is this fashion?: 5/5, and not only because I may or may not have placed an order?

Liz Claiborne would like her thing back, please.

How fashionable is this fashion: 1/5, and that’s being generous. The single point was awarded for how inconvenient I think these ultra-long boots would be to wear and live life in. Fashion over comfort.

These boots are a hop, skip and a jump away from the heeled Timberland kicks that plagued the early ‘00s, and I can’t decide if that makes them incredibly forward thinking (nostalgia cycle) or backwards (the early 00’s were nearly two decades ago.) I’m going to be generous here and go with the former.

How fashionable is this fashion: 2.9/5, because, why not?

In conclusion: These are some nice shoes, mostly. The end.