Who Was She and What Did She Want

As quickly as she came into our lives, the silver monolith that was spotted out in the deserts of rural Utah last week has disappeared, never to be seen again unless we see her again.

The monolith, which a group of biologists first discovered a little over a week ago, has not been seen since Friday, the Associated Press reports. “We have received credible reports that the illegally installed structure, referred to as the ‘monolith’ has been removed from Bureau of Land Management public lands by an unknown party,” a BLM spokesperson told the news service.

Who did it? I don’t know. But it’s possible they own a truck. Some guy named Riccardo Marino told KUTV that he and girlfriend Sierra Van Meter saw a long-bed truck driving away from the monolith’s location with something big strapped to the back of it while en route to see Big Mrs. Tall for themselves. Do you own a truck? Then it could have been you.

Standing approximately 11 feet tall, the monolith’s innards remain unknown at press time. Who knows what secrets lurk beneath her cold, stainless steel surface? Aborted Zola screeners? That copy of The Essential Ellen Willis I misplaced four years ago? Funny hats? Simply more steel? The world may never know unless, of course, we do. What a mystery that is not perhaps. Please tell me if you see my wife.