Why Are Only the Wives of Heads of State Getting Covid-19? Some Theories

Sophie Grégoire Trudeau announced that she had mild symptoms after returning from a speaking engagement in the UK, while Begoña Gómez revealed her diagnosis amid reports that Spain is the second hardest-hit country in Europe, right after Italy. Other officials who have tested positive work in positions that frequently bring them into contact with diverse groups of people, like Franck Riester, French minister of culture or Nadine Dorries, a minister in the UK’s health department. Likewise, wives of heads of state are typically expected to be the social arm of the administration, meeting, speaking, socializing, and probably touching, more people than their husbands, so it might make sense that they are more likely to come into contact with the virus. And because world leaders and their families have access to much better healthcare than the general population, it’s also likely they were tested before they could get close enough to their husbands to infect them.

Theory Two: Permanent Six-Foot Separation as a Job Hazard

World leaders simply do not see their wives that much and therefore do not have the opportunity to get within six feet of one another often enough to come into contact with partner-spread coronavirus, though unfortunately, first ladies do occasionally (and allegedly) come within infecting distance of international treasure Idris Elba. The ruling class also has access to all manner of luxuries the rest of us do not, such as separate bathrooms and private chefs, which perhaps keep them largely isolated from their partner’s germs.

Theory Three: Bullshit

Some of them are lying their asses off. As aides, vice presidents, ministers, and even spouses fall ill all around them, it seems a bit hard to believe that not a single world leader has tested positive for highly contagious covid-19, assuming they get tested at all. In response to his wife’s announcement, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau went into a voluntary two-week isolation period but insisted to the press that he showed “absolutely no symptoms” of coronavirus and also that he would not be tested, nor was he a “vector” who had potentially already passed along the contagion.

However, reports about Grégoire Trudeau’s illness mobilized an entire country to take better care of itself, as did Gómez’s. Perhaps the political theory goes that a mildly sick first lady leads a nation by example but a weakened leader inspires a panic.

a mildly sick first lady leads a nation by example but a weakened leader inspires a panic.

Meanwhile, it has been reported that despite meeting with Fabio Wajngarten, the recently diagnosed top aide to Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, President Donald Trump has tested negative. And though I’ve just spent hundreds of words waxing theoretical on world leaders lying about their corona status, I believe this announcement, as not only is Donald Trump repellent in every way a human could be, including ways unique only to himself, he is also incapable of expressing affection of any sort due to the fact that he has never felt that particular emotion. Furthermore, decades spent covered from neck to hairline in several thick layers of orange spackle have gotten him well accustomed to never touching his face.

It’s entirely possible that the president’s undeniable grottiness, coupled with his prodigious vanity have placed him in a naturally impenetrable bubble of self-quarantine. And the real devil of these disordered times could lie in the rising panic of realizing that one might believe a report from the Trump administration while simultaneously speculating that other global leaders might be lying and hoping Mitt Romney can convince Democrats to provide the nation a quarantine social safety net. Please, can we go outside yet?