Would You Have Sex With the Cool and Tough Ted Cruz In This Poster For Sale on His Website? 

Welcome to Would U?, an academic forum in which I share my gross crush of the week and ask if you, too, would bang that person.

Well, hello! Didn’t think we’d be back so soon, did you? Well, neither did I, but then Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz started selling a poster of his gigantic head superimposed onto a muscular and tattooed body, and I take my duties here seriously.

Cruz’s campaign has purchased 200 of the original posters from their designer, the conservative street artist who goes by the name Sabo (other work includes portrayals of Wendy Davis as an “abortion Barbie” and Hillary Clinton as a flying monkey from The Wizard of Oz). They are being sold for $50 each. Unrelatedly, Cruz also has a poster for sale that says “Straight Outta Congress.”

So what do we think? Sure, his face still has that greenish pallor and those dead, squinty eyes, but look at the rest of him. Would you tap that? Let’s see here:

Kate Dries: No.

Madeleine Davies: Hell no.

Anna Merlan: Again: the whole face covered, no talking, pretty drunk.

Jane Marie: Prepare to have your minds blown: no.

Joanna Rothkopf: Yeah from behind or something.