Your Next President Donald Trump Is Being Denied His God-Given Secret Service Security Detail 

The Department of Homeland Security has not yet assigned a Secret Service security detail to your next president and ruler for life, Donald Trump. Big mistake. Yooge. Because Trump will complain about it for several weeks to anyone in earshot before submitting the request in writing he actually needs to submit to get a detail assigned to him.

Trump marched right to the media to complain about his egregious lack of taxpayer-funded security, telling the Hill that his private security officers have talked to the Secret Service about backing them up, but haven’t gotten a response yet.

“I want to put them on notice because they should have a liability,” he said. “Personally, I think if Obama were doing as well as me he would’ve had Secret Service [earlier]. I have by far the biggest crowds.” Later, he clarified, “jokingly,” according to the Hill: “They’re in no rush because I’m a Republican. They don’t give a shit.”

Then-Senator Obama was placed under Secret Service protection in May 2007, with about a year and a half left in the race. DHS declined to comment at the time about whether it was in response to a specific threat, but as the New York Times noted, the only other candidate who’d gotten Secret Service that early was Rev. Jesse Jackson in 1984 and 1988. So it is perhaps not that hard to guess what kind of threats those might’ve been.