Adorable Four-Year-Old Food Reviewer Not Into All That Fancy Shit


Lyla Hogan was recently the youngest person to ever try the tasting Menu at The French Laundry, an eatery which known blowhard Anthony Bourdain has called “the best restaurant in the world, period.” What did Lyla think of the 5 hour-plus food experience? Well, she liked the ginger ale and the bathroom!

To be fair, I am an adult and I would probably be annoyed by spending five hours eating (even though my partner is saving up to take me there as a punishment), so the fact that Lyla was able to chill through the entire thing without a couple of Ativan that she activated with a glass of white wine (you know you have to activate those, right?) is pretty legendary. This little girl is going places, except probably not back to The French Laundry because some of the stuff she ate? Not so great. Take that, Bourdain! (Ugh, I cannot tell a lie: She loved it.) (I wish I was four so The Bold Italic would repeatedly send me to fancy restaurants.)

Before we move any further, I’m going to take a moment to salute Lyla for saying what I’m thinking every time a waiter at a fancy restaurant asks me what I think of the food: “At least it’s a salad, but it’s not very much salad.” Yeah, and it costs about $200. Adults are weird, Lyla. Adults are very weird.

Lyla’s other observations:

  • Summer Melon Soup: “It tastes like a Tinker Bell popsicle.” (Popsicle for/made from Tinker Bell?)
  • Oysters and Caviar: Refused to try. Smart!
  • Hen Egg Custard: “To me, the chicken inside is a fluffy marshmallow.”
  • Bean Salad: “This pepper tastes like babies.”
  • Bread with Molded Butter (whatever that is): “It looks like the house that bees live in. AND I HATE BEES!”
  • Facilities: “the most elegant bathroom I’ve ever seen.”

According to The Bold Italic, when Lyla’s mom told her that their next dinner out would be pizza, Lyla rebelled screaming something about wanting to go back to The French Laundry and then yelled “do you hear the people sing?” over and over until someone came out of the kitchen and waved a flag behind her while marching in step.

You can see the rest of Lyla’s review (the pictures alone are worth it) here. But if you have a sudden attack of the cutes, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Image via The Bold Italic/Photograph by Isla Bell Murray

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