"Adventures In Sex City": When Sex Ed Means Defeating A Penis-Armed Supervillain With Your Condom Shield

A reader tipped us to what just might be the most insane sex ed game of all time: “Adventures In Sex City,” starring “The Sex Squad” who are out to save society from an STI-spreader named “The Sperminator.” No, really!

The four main characters of the game are:

Wonder Vag (you really can’t make this stuff up), “a virgin who believes in love and promotes abstinence until marriage.” Her super power? She can tell when you’re lying. Note that the virginal character is white and blonde and has a power based on “purity” of thought. Stereotypes, ahoy!

Willy The Kid, who was apparently bullied for being short and is here to “prove that size doesn’t matter.” His super power? “Rock hard strength.” Oh, dear.

And then we have Power Pap, the sexually active female who can spot infections with her x-ray vision. She does this, naturally, as a horrible experience with an STI lead her to be a crusader against all sexually transmitted diseases. Note that her outfit is considerably skimpier than Wonder Vaginaface’s over there. It’s because she’s sluttier, you guys!

And finally we have Captain Condom, who is half-man/half-condom due to some wacky scientific experiment gone wrong. He can stretch like a condom. Congrats?

I decided to play the game twice: once as Power Pap and once as Wonder Vag, to see how the ladies were represented. Here’s a basic rundown of how the game works: your character floats in the air as the Sperminator shoots, uh, sperm at you from his GIANT PENIS ARMS. You see, the Sperminator was once a good guy, but then he got an STI, so now he’s evil. Because everyone knows the best way to educate kids about STIs is to instill the idea that getting one makes you an inherently bad person, yeah?

If you answer a sex ed question correctly, you pull out some weird diaphragm-esque shield and the bad guy is hit with his own jizz. If you fail, you’re hit with sperm, which leads you to shout things like, “I need a shower!” It’s…pretty gross. At one point, I incorrectly answered a question (on purpose, teach!) and my character yelled “Augh, right in the face!” How…educational? Once you’ve “defeated” the Sperminator, he’s considered cured of his STI, and you’re declared the winner.

On the surface, it’s so absurd that it’s kind of funny, but as the ladies at the Bad Moms Club note, “I can see how young people would find this funny – I find it funny, in the abstract, which is to say, not in any context that involves my children – but, really? As sex ed? For young teens? I’m all for innovation in sex education, but I just don’t think that a penis-armed supervillian called the Sperminator is going to help my kids any in understanding the birds and the bees.” I’m a bit torn on this one: while I appreciate the clinic’s attempt to make sex ed fun and interactive, and I think making it a bit silly and ridiculous is a contrast to the type of sex ed that relies mostly on the old school “have sex, ruin your life” technique, but there are a few icky stereotypes here, and I also don’t think watching a girl get sperm to the face while yelling, “That’s sticky!” is going to do much more than cause people to giggle uncontrollably in the computer lab, or answer questions wrong on purpose just to see that very thing take place. Lord knows that’s what we would have done in high school.

So what say you, commenters? Is the Sex Squad a funny, unique way to educate kids? Or it it a massive, penis-armed, Wonder Vag’d failure?

Adventures In Sex City [Middlesex-London Health Unit]
Bad Moms Aren’t Prudes, They’re Just Not All That Keen On Penis-Armed Supervillains [Bad Moms Club]