Armie Hammer’s Mom Bought Him a Vasectomy for His Birthday

In October, Armie Hammer unveiled his latest money-making scheme, a podcast called The Armie HammerTime Podcast, in which he claims to have “long-form, interesting conversations with people who have tools or skills or have acquired wisdom.” His first guest was Tom Arnold (fresh off a restraining order from his ex-wife). What he might’ve learned from him, only god knows. But, as it turns out, there’s plenty to learn from his second guest.

On Monday, the actor-cum-timeshare salesman-cum-host was joined by none other than his mother, I presume because he’s having trouble booking folks. But no matter, Dru Hammer had a heap of scintillating things to share—namely, that she bought him a vasectomy for his birthday.

“Let’s talk about what I gave you for your birthday this year,” the Hammer matriarch, who initiated the conversation, said. “I call Armie and I go, ‘What would you like for your birthday this year?’ He was like, “I don’t know. Maybe money. Whatever.’ And I was like, ‘I believe I’m going to give you a vasectomy.'”

Incredible that this man asked for cash and got…cut. Anyway!

“I go to a doctor’s office and I go, ‘I’m here to schedule a vasectomy,’” Hammer said. “The receptionist was like, ‘Are you gonna be putting this on insurance?’ I go, ‘Actually, I don’t have insurance.’ She goes, ‘What?’ I go, ‘Yeah, I haven’t had insurance for years.’ She was like, ‘Oh, OK. Are you going to be putting it on a credit card?’ And I go, ‘My credit cards won’t cover this. My mother’s going to be calling you and she’s going to be paying for it.’”

Can you imagine being that nurse? A 38-year-old man approaches your desk and informs you that his mommy is paying for him to be sterilized…I would simply never stop laughing. Here’s how she actually reacted, according to Hammer.

“And she was looking down and she [looks up] and goes, ‘What?’ And I go, ‘Yes, my mother gave me this as a birthday present,’” Hammer continued. “It was just one of those things…you could tell she was hearing something and like [thinks], ‘I’ve never heard…what are you talking about?’ So yeah, my mom got me a vasectomy for my birthday.”

Whoever this nurse is, she’s my she-ro. And despite Armie’s mom being a devout Christian, shoutout to her for stepping in and stopping the spread of her weird son’s seed. Other moms with weird sons? Take note. This is how you all should be operating during the forthcoming Trump term.

“I know there are these young girls that would love to have Armie Hammer’s baby,” Dru said, to which Hammer replied: “Maybe when I had money they would!”

Welp, at least he’s self-aware. But I’m pretty sure that’s not totally true. I mean, wasn’t there a dental hygienist that dated him after all the accusations?