Blake Lively Says She Has A Great Body Because Of Chocolate


In news that you will make you think Willy Wonka is behind all those vast global media conspiracies we keep telling you are just ‘silly,’ Gossip Girl thespian and perfect dress wearer Blake Lively says NOPE, when it comes to her famous figure, she doesn’t exercise or train or diet or count calories or get illegal plastic surgery in a secret lab in Argentina—she just eats chocolate.


Dang. She’s really quite lovely, isn’t she? I could look at pictures of her all day.

Lively is quoted in French Vogue (ooh, French Vogue! That’s the fancy one!) describing how she eats chocolate twice per day.

“I do nothing! I’m lucky to have a very active lifestyle, I’m always running around everywhere… So I don’t need to hire a coach or watch what I eat,”…
“I can’t start my day off without a mug of hot chocolate or finishing off the day with a few squares of dark chocolate… It keeps me feeling happy,” she added.

So there you have it. An actress quoted in foreign magazine says chocolate gives her a gorgeous body*. Good thing that these are about to hit shelves then, isn’t it?

*gasps* Wait, this gives me so much hope for my Vodka and 3 Musketeers Diet! And you guise said it was a pipe dream that ‘would likely kill people’! Ha! Who is laughing now?? Me, Burt, ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK. WHERE I WILL PUT ALL MY MONEY.

*Don’t worry, super pedantic commenters who can’t handle jokes about things! I get it—she eats a few squares of dark chocolate and drinks hot chocolate in the morning, she’s not saying she buries her face into a bag of Hershey’s minis all day. But thank you for that lengthy comment explaining all those things you just Googled about chocolate you were about to write—it’s why I love you most of all.

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