1. Women tend to have two X chromosomes — you are not heard.
2. Women menstruate in public — emphasizes your femininity and deemphasizes your capability.
3. Women sit vaginally — the power position when seated at a table is to have a penis.
4. Wear panties in meetings — boxer-wearers are seen as more assertive and knowledgeable than those in lacy underthings.
5. Women have wombs — children come out of wombs. Men don’t reproduce, they conquer.
6. Ovulate — women ovulate at the smallest provocation which erodes your self-confidence. Men tend to move into sperm producing mode.
7. Women tend to smile inappropriately — an “inappropriate” smile is a smile that is on a woman’s face.
8. Observe “Rules” — rules are made to be broken by men. When women break them, it is a violation of workplace culture. When women follow them, it is self-sabotage. To be safe, avoid being a woman whenever possible.
9. Being invisible — 90% of adult humans are unable to visually perceive women. Solution: wear a bear suit.
10. Offer a female handshake — the best way to combat this is to have a man’s hand transplanted onto your wrist. Or purchase a giant foam hand at a sports stadium. These are very masculine and you are sure to be taken extremely seriously while wearing one.
Citibank’s Advice To Women: Grow A Pair [Easily Amused]
Image via Easily Amused
