In the dating world, there are those who send crap emails, and those who receive them. These are their stories. (Dun-dun!)
Caryn and Alex met on an online dating site, realized they had mutual friends, and decided to meet in person. During that meeting, Alex dropped an ill-advised comment about his huge ego and then proceeded to spend the next 2 hours trying to erase said comment, leaving Caryn with enough time to get in about 2 sentences, one of which was a vague reference to an ex of hers. After the meeting, Alex tried to reach out to Caryn via phone and text, but she’d had quite enough of his ego-talk and did not respond. Two months later, she received this email:
Subject: Hi
So, here is what I remember about our little hang out. You mentioned
your ex-boyfriend. I jokingly admitted to being slightly ego-driven
also, but only in a healthy way that would not bring you down. I
should have ended it there, but I believed based on your demeanor
alone that you were such a kind person as to deserve an explanation
about what I really meant. I think you proved me wrong.
I should never have tried to justify myself to you. I thought you
truly misunderstood me, but you were just being judgmental. I don’t
need someone that has only met me once to try to convince me that I am
a shallow person driven only by his own image and other selfish
objectives—which could not be farther from the truth. I wanted to
apologize to you, but for what? Despite your sweet demeanor, you were
the rude one. I am an extremely caring person and you tried to
convince me I’m some permutation of your ex.
I really wanted to be friends regardless of whether dating panned out,
which I tried to convey to you, but you saw that as me bragging that
so many girls want to date me and all I want is to be friends with
them. Wrong again. I was referring to a few specific times, but once
again, you only saw what you wanted to see.
My point here is not to bring you down. It’s quite the opposite. I
hope you realize what you did. If it was a mistake, I’d say forget it
and let’s hang out sometime. If it wasn’t, I hope you will find this
outsider’s perspective to be useful. I believe you are, at your core,
a wonderful person. I have not judged you once. I hope this helps you
get closer to that core so that maybe we can be friends. 🙂
So let’s recap, shall we? Alex didn’t judge Caryn once…except for that time he accused her of bringing him down, seeing him as arrogant, being rude, being unkind, making him feel selfish and shallow, and—here’s the kicker—being judgmental. But whatever, right? As long as she admits to all of these things and agrees that he’s never judged her, he’s willing to believe she’s wonderful and offer her a second chance. What a gentleman! Who wouldn’t want a second chance from a guy so clearly obsessed with himself that he feels the need to belittle everyone around him for not seeing his inherent greatness? Making other people feel bad for your own insecurities is surely a way to win hearts, no? Here’s a tip, Alex: next time, just take your raging ego out for coffee. You two seem very happy together. I hope you find this outsider’s perspective to be useful.