Umm. Whoa. I thought British people were supposed to do Christmas all jolly and sweet. I thought their accents made everything seem all fancy and cozy. I HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY MISLED ABOUT CHARMING BRITISH PEOPLE.
Because they love Christmas about as much as my sullen roommate in college who used to refer to it as “America vomiting on Jesus,” Greenpeace is skipping all the figgy pudding and mistletoe bullshit and instead delivering us this rather timely environmental message.
The clip features a dirty, bedraggled and beaten down Santa Claus — played by everyone’s favorite butler, Jim Carter of Downton Abbey fame — announcing the end of Christmas due to global warming and oil drilling in the Arctic.
DAMN, MAN. “The end of Christmas?” I just got started on my holiday shopping! (OK no, I haven’t started on shit. I buy most of my presents for family at the gas station around the corner of my aunt’s house right before I show up for Christmas Eve dinner. They haven’t guessed so far. They just think my gift selections are ‘eccentric’ because I’m a writer hahahaha.)
“Dear children I regrettably bring bad tidings,” Santa/Mr. Carson warns in the video. “For some time now, melting ice here in the North Pole has made our operations and our day-to-day life intolerable and impossible and there may be no alternative but to cancel Christmas.”
Santa/Mr. Carson says he tried to tell world leaders, but they gave zero fucks:
“Needless to say these individuals are now at the top of my naughty list.”
See, this is the kind of Santa we need more of. This is the kind of Santa who won’t fuck around with your bullshit, Megyn Kelly.
[Greenpeace]
