As a longtime fan, Theron delivered the same distinctly Leo, no-fucks-given honesty she does in most other interviews. This time, however, she spoke very candidly about dating as a near-50-year-old and, unlike most conversations about modern courtship and hookup culture, her experience gave me…hope?
“When I earlier said I’m having sex for the first time like I never had before, it’s because I’m not in relationships,” Theron said. “It’s not because I don’t want to be in relationships, but I’m seeing things for what they are. I’m not trying to force a circle into a square or whatever that fucking American saying is.” Close enough.
She added: “When I meet somebody, I can see where it’s going to go pretty quickly.” Theron went on to describe herself as a person who “used to be somebody in relationships who would lose herself” or “attract narcissists,” but once she hit her forties, that all changed. Now, she’s open to long-term commitment but only on her time and terms. Growth!
For now, Theron said she’s cool with casual dating—even if it’s with little success despite the fact that she’s Charlize fucking Theron.
“The apps are just horrible,” Theron lamented. “It’s a fuckin’ clownshow. I’m sorry guys, but please…no. Not because I want to date you, but because I want to help you. I don’t want you shooting a fuckin’ selfie of you in a closet with your hand in a jean pocket…it makes my vagina close.” An understatement, frankly. Each time I see a mirror pic I hear my vagina audibly sigh.
However, hooking up has supposedly gotten better with age…
“I did just recently fuck a 26-year-old and it was really fucking amazing,” Theron divulged. “And I’ve never done that and I was like, ‘Oh, this is great.'” Personally, I can’t recall a time in which going home with a 26-year-old has ever been anything akin to “fucking amazing” but maybe they’re just saving their best material for the forty-somethings?
Anyway! Thanks for giving me something to look forward to, girl!
- Candace Owens and Perez Hilton have been subpoenaed by Blake Lively in the It Ends With Us dueling suits. [People]
- Travis Kelce is supposedly showing Taylor Swift the sights in Ohio, but I’ve yet to see them in a Kroger, a dive bar, or the house where they shot A Christmas Story, so…[The Daily Mail]
- The Bear just got renewed for a fifth season! Are we ready to lose our minds over a finger graze, SydCarmy shippers? [The Hollywood Reporter]
- Am I the only one who’s not thrilled about Jennifer Aniston being a part of Jeanette McCurdy‘s memoir adaptation? [Variety]
- Rob McElhenney has been hanging out with Ryan Reynolds too long, I fear. [Us Weekly]
- Katy Perry saw Beyoncé have a prop malfunction during her tour, so she had a prop malfunction during her tour. [Page Six]
- I’m so seated for The Odyssey that they’re already kicking me out of the theater. [Just Jared]
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