Today, the FBI will finally vote on a new definition of rape that will take the place of the current model, and antique from 1929. Victims’ rights activists are applauding the move and calling the change long overdue, since the current definition of rape basically said that in order for a woman to be legally raped, Genghis Khan himself needs to travel through time and abduct her to China in front of at least 5 witnesses. Also she has to be a nun.
Ms. reports that the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report (UCR) had been using an 80+ year-old definition of “forcible rape” that specified that rape victims could only be women and that rape was only technically rape if there was vaginal penetration. Groups like Change.org got involved earlier this year, flooding the Department of Justice with emails, letters, and petitions urging that the definition be changed, and in October, a committee voted unanimously to redefine rape as
penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.
Assuming the change to the UCR definition of rape is accepted today, it will then be tossed to the desk of FBI Director Robert Mueller.
Hopefully the director has the power to add to the provision, as the new definition doesn’t make a distinction between regular rape and rape rape, which could, in turn, lead to a very confused Whoopi Goldberg.