Fun On The Red Carpet With Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes!


And now: Some imagined dialogue from the premiere of The Kennedys, starring Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
KH: “Hi, I’m Kate Holmes.”
TC: “And I’m international superstar Tom Cruise.”
KH:“We don’t know who that guy behind Tom’s shoulder is. We’re trying not to look him directly in the eyes.”
TC:“Yeah, we’re not going to let anything ruin our premiere. C’mon Kate, let’s go!”

KH:“Uh, Tom? You do know that this is my premiere, right? The Kennedys is a project in which I acted. Not you.”
TC: “No, right, of course, babe! All these people are here to see you! HAHAHA! Yes! You! And I am just your world-renowned award-winning husband, here to support you! Everyone knows that! When I say our premiere, I mean the one we’re attending together! Obviously! Haha!”
KH:“Haha! We both know that’s a lie, sweetheart! You are so silly! Haha!”

TC:“Haha! Now! Who wants a picture of me? Hahahaha! Kidding! But hold my hand, so everyone knows we’re together.”
KH: “Haha! You’re a riot, Tom. Seriously! Ha! Now let go of my hand so I can pose for some pictures, you nut!”
TC: “That’s me! A nut! And you’re totally cool with it if this nut poses on the red carpet without you, right? Ha? Haha?”

TC: “Guys, guys. I know you want pictures of me, the three-time Academy Award nominee, but I’m just here to support my wife! If you want a picture of me by myself, you’ll have to show me the money! Get it? What’s that? You just want us to pose together? We can do that. Come here, honey. Smile. I hope they’re getting my half-tucked, half-untucked shirt hem action, it’s something I’ve been working on for a while.”

TC: “Listen, Kate. Katiekins. Joey. I’ve been around. I’m older than you are, and this ain’t my first time at the rodeo. I know what these guys want. They’re dying for a solo shot of Ethan Hunt! The people beg for shots of Maverick! I’m wearing this jacket I stole from the set of Top Gun because this is what my fans want to see! So lemme pose for a couple of shots without you, and then I’ll say, okay, that’s enough, and pull you back in. Kay?”

KH: “Oh, you’ll do that — go out of your way — for the people? Really?”

KH: “You go right ahead, dear.” (silently) Thank Xenu I took a Valium in the car.

TC: “I feel the need, the need for speed! You had me at hello! Respect the cock! Don’t be glib!”

TC: “But enough about me… How lovely is my wife this evening?”
KH:(mutters) “For the love of Hubbard, are we almost done with this?”

TC: “I hope they’re getting some close-ups of my mesmerizing baby blue eyes. The windows to my soul, which is completely clear, by the way, since I am a level seven Operating Thetan.”
KH: “I should have gone shopping with Suri instead.”

[All images via Getty.]

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