Hilaria Baldwin Forced to Shop For Diapers Elsewhere After She Forgot the Word for Cucumber

It turns out that when a fabulist feigns forgetfulness about the word for cucumber on live television, there is a single resulting consequence: Losing a baby diaper spokesperson gig.

Notorious linguist Hilaria Baldwin, nee Hillary, was ditched by baby brand Cuties on Thursday, in the wake of a “scandal” in which Baldwin, wife of failed SNL guest star Alec Baldwin, had her years-long cosplay as a Spanish immigrant exposed by Twitter user @lenibrisco. Among her claims, Baldwin repeatedly insinuated that she was born in Mallorca, when in fact, she was born and raised Boston. There was also the infamous cucumber incident, and the time her husband told David Letterman he wasn’t racist when he imitated his wife’s “accent.” Normal stuff, obviously.

In its statement to Page Six, Cuties Baby Care said:

“In response to the inquires we have received, we would like to inform all of our loyal Cuties followers that Hilaria’s partnership with Cuties Baby Care ended at the end of 2020. We thank Hilaria for the support she provided in 2020 and wish her, and her family, continued health and happiness in the New Year.”

It’s unclear if the once Hillary Hayward-Thomas will suffer through a genuine mass exodus of brand partnerships, or if diaper care enthusiasts are just exceedingly vocal online. In the meantime, she and ol’ Alec have squirreled themselves away in the Hamptons, where he has most likely concocted an elaborate scheme that involves Lorne Michaels, a Trump impression, and a furious rant at paparrazzi and bystanders on a random New York streetcorner to reclaim the spotlight’s feeble glow.

As for Hillary/Hilaria, she now has to find somewhere else to get free diapers. Question: What’s Spanish for “big steaming pile of shit,” again?