Unfortunately, the holidays are here. The sooner we purchase presents for our favorite sad sacks, the faster they can sigh “thanks?” and we can all get back to our miserable little lives. So here’s what to buy the grumpiest, grouchiest hateful little monsters in your life. If you have the sick need to keep these people in your life (or you can’t get rid of them HI MOM), then at least gift something that won’t make either of you cringe. Just don’t forget to include a gift receipt because you know all this crap is going back. Good luck!
Cards Against Humanity
It’s just like Apples to Apples, but for terrible people. Plus, Wil Wheaton calls it “the best game ever,” and nobody, but nobody, can argue with the delightful Wil Wheaton.
$25 (or free if you download!) [Cards Against Humanity]
Booze.
Sylphides and many others recommend buying Her Royal Grumpiness a bottle of her favorite booze — because even grumps need liquor to get through the day.
Varies [BevMo?]
Something unique, amazing, special, and awesome
WorstWorldProblems nails it: I have a friend who seriously hates everything. Everything is stupid, everything sucks, blah blah blah. For Christmas one year, I turned the local “I regret my abortion” religious billboard into “I regret my religion” using a vinyl plotter and some 3M spray glue. You should have seen the smile on his face when I took him to see it. Amazeballs.” So great.
Think about when Leslie gave Ron the birthday surprise where it was just him, whiskey, steak, and some fucking peace and quiet. Customize to your curmudgeon!
This shit is priceless
Dear Asshole: 101 Tear-Out Letters to the Morons Who Muck Up Your Life
“Ever wish you could leave a nasty note for that jerk in the Hummer who blocked you in, or the idiot who didn’t clean up after his dog? Now you can! Dear Asshole includes 101 letters to all of the assholes you encounter on a daily basis, each letter conveniently perforated so you can tear it out and give it to the desired offender.” What could be better?
$10.60 [Barnes & Noble]
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