Neighbors are like roommates you only see every once in a while, and don’t have to share a bathroom with. But even the occasional encounter with someone who kind of shares your living space can bring up challenges — and our tips will help you deal with them.
Pick a good time to introduce yourself.
When you move in to a new neighborhood or building, it can be a good idea to introduce yourself to some of the neighbors. But you don’t have to launch off on a meet-and-greet mission right away. I talked to Alissa Green of My First Apartment, who recommends a bit of caution:
When debating whether or not to introduce yourself to your new neighbors, first do some casual recon.
Does your neighbor seem like someone you’d want in your life? Of course, it would be wonderful to
have a great friendship with a neighbor, but there’s also reason to be cautious as well.
The thing about neighbor-friends, as opposed to any other type of friends, is that your neighbor knows
where you live AND has total access to you. It’s often easy to befriend a neighbor…it’s not as easy
to “unfriend.” You don’t want someone constantly stopping by, asking you for favors, especially if it’s
not a reciprocal relationship.
So if someone seems like they might want to tell you all about their conspiracy theories or ask you to walk their iguana, maybe keep things on a casual-nod-by-the-mailboxes level. But if your neighbor seems chill and worthy of getting to know, Green says, “a slow organic introduction works best.” She explains,
Once you decide that your neighbor isn’t crazy, a slow organic introduction works best. Say hello when you pass one another in the hall and gradually build up to a friendly conversation. Usually, it takes one person to take that leap from friendly acquaintance to friend, so after you make an introduction, feel free to get your bake on — but not before. Especially in New York, people tend to not open doors for people they don’t know (and for good reason!)
And as in any first-impression situation, try to introduce yourself when you’re at your best. I once met a new neighbor when one of my pupils — but not the other — had been dilated by an eye doctor, and for the rest of the time I lived in the neighborhood she took it upon herself to explain extremely basic things to me, probably assuming I was a drug-addled crazy person. She also spied on me a lot, presumably because she hoped to catch me cooking up a batch of my delicious One-Eyed Meth. Avoid situations like this by approaching your neighbors when you’re feeling relaxed and in possession of all your eyeballs. And don’t wait for a crisis. Says Green,
It actually took me locking myself out before I got to know my downstairs neighbor, as she nicely let me crash at her place until my boyfriend came home. But…we’d built up a nice [camaraderie] before she found me looking rather downtrodden on our shared stoop.
If your neighbor has talked to you before you’re shivering on the doorstep — or yelling about your asshole super — she’s more likely to help you out.
Be direct about noise.
You know that thing where your neighbors are being super-loud and you stomp on the floor or bash a broom handle into the ceiling to get them to shut up? Yeah — that doesn’t work. Says Green,
Unfortunately, noisy neighbors are NOT going to understand your grunts or angry glares through the walls, which means that you’ll have to take the direct approach.
Before you consider speed dialing 311, ring their bell and share your concerns. You might well be surprised by the positive outcome. If you’re already on good terms with them, so much the better.
With any neighbor dispute, it’s important to stay as calm as possible. Betsy Coddington of neighborhood meidation program Resolutions Northwest told MSN,
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