Gisele Bündchen Probably Feels Pretty Good About Her Divorce Right Now

In the fall of 2022, Gisele Bündchen and Mr. Gisele Bündchen (Tom Brady) announced their separation and divorce. Brady then spent that Christmas miserable and alone, while she cozied up with her hot jiu-jitsu teacher, who, as of February, she’s now officially dating. Fast forward to Sunday when Netflix hosted The Roast of Tom Brady—which, agreeing to a roast of yourself might be the most egotistical thing a man can do second to hosting a podcast. Unsurprisingly, his divorce took center stage. For Bündchen, the whole ordeal apparently reminded her why she left Brady in the first place: That is, as one source close to Bündchen told Page Six on Tuesday night, Brady “once again put football before his family” by exposing them to insensitive jokes at a highly visible event.

Similarly, People reported on Tuesday that Bündchen was “deeply disappointed” by the “irresponsible” jokes about her family and her 13-year marriage, and I get it! It seems pretty obvious that any roast of Brady would reference Bündchen in some way, and that means unwanted attention on her kids. “As always, [Bündchen’s] priority is to support her children who were affected by the irresponsible content that was broadcasted,” the source told People. 

For instance, during Kevin Hart’s roast, he joked about how Brady “screwed” his New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick by leaving for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers: “You sometimes got to f*ck your coach. You know who else fucked their coach? Gisele. She fucked that karate man,” Hart said about Joaquim Valente. “I mean Jesus Christ, Tom. One of the smartest quarterbacks ever played a game. How did you not see this coming? Eight karate classes a day and she’s still a white belt. … The only bruises she had were on her ass. Everybody should have known it.”

In isolation, yes, these jokes are funny! But then you remember Bündchen and Brady share two young kids and… yikes! (He also shares a 16-year-old son with ex-Bridget Moynahan, who also didn’t seem too happy about the roast.) It’s pretty hard to believe Brady was thinking about his children’s well-being when he opted into the roast. 

The same roast saw Nikki Glaser joke, “You have seven rings. Well, eight now that Gisele gave hers back.” Brady’s former teammate Drew Bledsoe teased, “Two things I’ve experienced that you never will, Tom: being drafted as first pick in the Draft and celebrating a 28th wedding anniversary.” And another former teammate, Julian Edelman, said he calls Brady “Leonardo DiCaprio’s ex-girlfriend’s ex-husband.” 

All of this, mind you, harkens back to why they split in the first place: Because, as the legend goes, Bündchen was sick of Brady’s football crap and his years-long refusal to prioritize their family while she put her career on hold to take care of everyone. And now, with Brady’s comedy roast and all the attention, speculation, and crude commentary it’s brought back to her and their kids, I imagine Bündchen is feeling pretty good about her decision to leave a guy who’s clearly just as selfish as he was two years ago.

• Turns out they weren’t just getting cozy at a Met Gala afterparty, exes(?) Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny were photographed entering and leaving the same hotel… which could just be a coincidence, I guess! [Daily Mail]
• Sam Smith was turned away from a Met Gala after party??? [Page Six]
• I’m choosing to believe that Emily Blunt was talking about her husband John Krasinski when she said that kissing some male co-stars made her want to vomit. [Variety]
• Travis Kelce is making his acting debut, but from reading his old tweets, I think he’d be better off trying his hand at stand-up comedy. [Just Jared]
• As they say in Bridgerton (I don’t know, never watched!), Phoebe Dynevor is betrothed. [E! Online]
• Mother!!!! Hillary Duff gave birth. [Us Weekly]