John Mayer Bores Us, Jason Derulo Tortures Us, and Lauren Jauregui Does a Solo Ballad
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Nope: John Mayer, “I Guess I Just Feel Like” – John Mayer sighs a heavy sigh at his breakfast table, dropping his copy of the New York Times Sunday edition into his lap. His orange juice sits before him. His bowl of Wheaties barely touched. It’s another day of terrible headlines as the global world order begins to shift, none of us totally sure where it will land. Mayer sighs again. “I guess I just feel like,” he begins to say, out loud, to his black Labrador Moose. But then Mayer loses his train of thought. It comes back. “I guess I just feel like…” he tries again, playing with the emphasis. The complete thought emerges. “I guess I just feel like… nobody’s honest.” Moose yawns. Mayer looks up out of a window and makes a note to himself. “Yeah,” he says. And that’s how I imagine this horrible song came to be. “That’s good.” Mayer puts his copy of the paper off to the side, and pulls out the Times crossword puzzle, content for now. —Frida Garza
Not on my watch: Jason Derulo and David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj and Willy Williams, “Goodbye” – Need more proof that the world is cruel? Watch this video, which features Jason Derulo in outfits I can best describe as the result of a Project Runway challenge that involves creating a show-stopping ensemble for a pop star. The song itself is one of those irritating David Guetta machinations that feel like a robotic worm is slowly making its way through your intestines (at a club). Enjoy. —Clover Hope
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