Jonathan Scott Thinks Zooey Deschanel is a 'Great Human,' Will Probably 'Keep' Her
CelebritiesDirt Bag

And now, a story: After a particularly amicable divorce, your sister hits you up one night and asks that you go to a party at a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend’s house. She’d been invited by her husband’s coworker’s brother, who was hosting the party, and insisted that it’d be “good for you.” That phrase comes up often in the Uber ride there. “This is good for you, you really need this!” she stresses, again and again as the Toyota Corolla you’ve been stuffed in is swallowed by LA traffic. To pass the time, you ask if you can play some music from your phone (a playlist of classic show tunes you’ve loved since high school) and spend the next hour humming along to them. Your wistful gaze is directed at the passerby around you on the 101, and you miss the irritated expression that frequently flits across the driver’s face. Eventually you get to the party, and a pair of brothers—twins—answer the door. You’re pulled inside and see a group of adults playing Monopoly, which you find quirky because of the little animals and objects you acquire at the beginning. Outside, a foosball match is swiftly devolving into yelling, and from the kitchen, strangers are carrying out bowls of neatly chopped vegetables, dips, and mixed nuts.
One of the brothers, Jonathan, heard the show tunes when you showed up, and quickly impresses you with a Sondheim reference. You laugh, nervous, and admit that you much prefer Phantom of the Opera. At this, his leads you to a dusty record player and shows off his massive collection of improv comedy vinyls and original Broadway cast recordings. Your recently finalized divorce is pushed out of your mind. Tonight you’ll have fun. It’ll be good for you! The evening passes by, you pose for selfies, yell about Monopoly rules, and spend a good half-hour too-long singing songs from RENT with Jonathan. When you eventually leave, he bows, and kisses you on the cheek. You check his Instagram before bed. He’s posted one of those selfies. The caption? “Met some new humans today. We had fun. I think I’ll keep them.” You smile. He remembered that you love dogs, and jokes about dogs. As you drift to sleep, a thought: “Maybe I’ll keep him too.”
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