Justin Bieber Gets His High School Diploma; in Other News, You Are a Dillion Years Old

By Lindy West | July 3, 2012 | 12:45am

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Apparently Justin Bieber was listed in the commencement ceremony at St. Michael Catholic Secondary School in Stratford, Ontario last Thursday (yes, I’m sure he attended many classes), but he did not attend, and nobody spoke of it because “Justin chose to keep aspects of his education quiet.” He has not announced plans to attend college. He also got hella mad and hung up on a radio host for making a dumb joke about One Direction. Because he is a grown-up. The exchange is actually kind of hilarious if you feel like listening to it. (Basically the radio host implies that One Direction might like to bang Justin Bieber’s mom because they “like older ladies.” Then Justin Bieber gets huffy and goes, “you should worry about them and YOUR mom, bro!” And the host says, “Actually, my mom’s dead.” Awkward silence. Click.) [NYT] [Buzzfeed]

Uuuuuuuuuugh, here’s what Katie Holmes did today. (Spoiler alert: none of it is interesting!) She went outside “looking tense” and not wearing her wedding ring. She taped an appearance as a guest judge on Project Runway: All Stars. Isaac Mizrahi declared her to be “great.” She failed to emerge from her hotel at the correct time, causing hungry paparazzi to swarm her next door neighbor, who reportedly wore a bow-tie and a yellow hat and “railed against the Scientology ‘goons.'” Then he scampered off in search of his mischievous monkey son. [DailyMail] [THR] [DailyIntel]

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Lucy Pavlovsky and Nadia Beddini, two innocent bystanders injured in the Chris Brown/Drake Broken Bottle Butthurtapalooza 2012, are suing the nightclub where it occurred for overserving patrons. TMZ obtained photos of one woman’s gross arm stitches. “In the suit, both women point the finger at the people who ran the club … claiming the bottle-throwers were ‘sold and consumed alcohol in excessive amounts’ … even after they appeared wasted. ” Legal question: Is it possible for me to sue this news story for boring me to death? [TMZ]

Giuliana Rancic—who is scheduled to have a baby via a gestational surrogate in late August—told TODAY that she may miss the birth of her own child in order to cover the London Olympics. She later backpedaled, tweeting: “Headline that i may miss our baby’s birth is making me laugh! I come home from London Aug 10, how is that first week of September?” [Radar]

Rihanna enraged Swedish fans (no easy task!) by confusing Sweden with Norway (she offered condolences for Anders Behring Breivik’s killing spree), being “high as a kite,” and wearing disgusting slutty clothes just hours after her grandma died. [News.com.au]
Virgin Atlantic’s new ad campaign features Doug Pitt (brother of Brad) and claims to offer “celebrity deals at celebrity brother prices.” BUT WHAT OF DON SWAYZE!? [AdWeek]
Ten new photos from The Hobbit, including Martin Freeman‘s disgusting swamp-feet and Gandalf Gandalfing all over the place as usual. ”Gandalf is still the same guy [he was in the Lord of the Rings trilogy],” says Ian McKellen. ”He’s still got the same sense of humor and sense of urgency and concern—all those things that make him interesting.” You know what would make Gandalf more interesting? If he actually did magic once in a while. That dude is all talk, no action. [EW]
A bunch of celebrities congratulate Anderson Cooper on coming out. “So, THAT’S why he never wanted to date me!” says Joan Rivers. [JustJared]
Charlie Sheen‘s longtime assistant and friend Rick Calamaro was found dead near some drugs. [TMZ]
Uhhhh…here’s Jason Stackhouse shilling t-shirts with a picture of a dog who farts music. If you have always wanted a t-shirt with a picture of a dog who farts music, talk to Jason Stackhouse. [Extra]
Here is a picture of the guy who might play Ser Brynden “The Blackfish” Tully—aka the only Tully who is not an unbearable wet blanket—in Game of Thrones. [EW]
Here is Matthew Fox‘s mug shot from his May DUI. [TMZ]
A rep for Carly Rae Jepsen says that recent nude photos of Carly Rae Jepsen are “200% not” Carly Rae Jepsen. I’m no mathemagician, but I think being 200% not something just brings it back around to 100% not-not, right? [TMZ]
Emma Stone talks about the challenges of playing Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spiderman without freakishly giantest comic book boobz. [MTV]