Let Jeb Bush Teach You How to Take a Selfie, Because What Else Does He Have?


Jeb Bush, that sweet, sad Guaca-Bowle hawker, is honestly just relieved you’re asking for his opinion about anything.

At a recent luncheon in West Palm Beach, Florida, the littlest Bush was asked how the selfie had changed modern campaigns. Undoubtedly, inside his head, a number of buzz word alarms went off at once, causing him to launch into the following lesson more about how to ungracefully lose an election than anything else.

“The selfie is now the 11th amendment of the Bill of Rights. It’s inspired by our framers and founders, apparently. It is a requirement that you take one and I do it with great joy in my heart,” is a sentence he gamely strung together.

“I don’t know, look, it wasn’t that long ago that people wanted signatures on things, and now, forget that. I want my damn selfie and I’m not leaving until I get it. We spend a lot of quality time doing that and hoping that the person has a long enough arm or I will take over.”

“Just for the record, young people do it better than older people,” he continued. “We’ll go through a little training class here; It’s cooler to do it diagonally rather than straight up, remember that. And it’s better to do it higher than lower because you look skinnier.”

Let’s just keep asking him questions like this for the next year. No need to hassle someone already on his political death bed.

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