Melania, First Lady of Lawsuits

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• For someone who professes to not care about what people and the “left-wing media” say about her, Melania sure loves suing them over shit they say about her! [Washington Post]
• Don Jr.’s four-minute phone call to a blocked number in advance of his 2016 meeting at Trump Tower was apparently NOT to his daddy, according to several sources. [CNN]
• Speaking of the sad, bearded man… [Twitter]

• Can you imagine interviewing for a job with someone who once called you ugly? Heidi Cruz can, because she did, when she interviewed with Donald Trump for the job of World Bank president. [Bloomberg]
• Of course Donald Trump is considering alleged sexual harasser, seller of shitty pizza, and short-lived 2012 presidential candidate Herman Cain for a seat on the Federal Reserve Board. Why not! [Vanity Fair]
• SNAP recipients are still facing the effects of the government shutdown. [Washington Post]
• The incredible saga of Senator Rand Paul and his feisty neighbor and the fight they got into over “lawn care,” which included Paul’s neighbor tackling him and breaking his ribs, has ended. A jury decided that Paul is entitled to more than $580,000 in damages. [Politico]
• Errrrr. Speaker Nancy Pelosi has reiterated that Trump won’t get funding for his wall, but “enhanced fencing” is apparently on the table. [Politico]
• Hell yeah: Ayanna Pressley, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Rashida Tlaib, and Ilhan Omar are calling instead for reducing funding for the Department of Homeland Security. [The Daily Beast]
• But who will then create a fake university as part of their sting operations targeting immigrants looking for a way to gain legal entry into the U.S., if not DHS? [Detroit News]
• And how will we pay ICE to forcefeed immigrants detained by the agency in El Paso and elsewhere who are on a hunger strike in protest of their treatment and lengthy stays in detention? [Associated Press]
• In case you need another reminder, Howard Schultz is from the PROJECTS. The PROJECTS, okay??? [Twitter]

• Here’s what another rich dude thinks of Schultz, who is, remember, from the PROJECTS. [Twitter]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.