Noah Cyrus and Lil Xan Are No More


The possible PR stunt that was Noah Cyrus and Lil Xan’s relationship has concluded its brief, beautiful run in the only way it ever could have: With Charlie Puth’s head, a porn star’s body, and urine on a plaque.

The breakup kicked off on Monday with a grabby Instagram Story from Lil Xan, in which he proclaimed: “I feel like I’m probably being cheated on.” The post was deleted, but not before it was Seen.

Noah then posted a Story of her own, which contained a screenshot of a meme of Charlie Puth’s head photoshopped onto the body of an adult film star, an eggplant emoji covering his nethers. “im heartbroken and confused,” she wrote. “this is the meme i sent diego that made him think im cheating on him.”

Noah elaborated on an Instagram Live video, apologizing to her fans for “the confusing situation.” From People:

“I’ll try to explain it more in the next couple of days,” she added, before saying, “I never did anything that I’m getting accused of.”
While continuing to cry she implored her fans, especially young girls, to “get away from every f—ing person that goes into your life and just crushes it and crumbles it and makes you feel like a piece of f—ing s—.”
She also appeared to discuss the pair’s relationship when she went on a long rant about how boys can make women feel like they were the one who caused the problem in the relationship “when you were the one that sat around being there for somebody.”
“Don’t let men do that to you,” she added.

Xan responded with an Instagram Live video as well, saying that the “Live or Die” video they’d planned to make for the song they (conveniently?) released together was definitely not happening, adding:

“I’ve just been informed that basically it’s all fake and I’m being used. So f— it. I guess I was just being used. I thought I was in love but whatever. I’ll take that L. Heartbreak soldier; thanks Noah. Hope the song does well.”

Who’s getting played here? Lil Xan? Us? Everyone? “People love to just hurt me,” he said later on another post. “It just hurts so fucking bad.”

The saga ended with a final (for now) video of him urinating on his “Betrayed” plaque.

Your move, Noah! In my opinion, a good comeback would be to actually start dating a meme of Charlie Puth’s head on an adult film star’s body.

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