Once Again, Let's Circle Around Justin Timberlake and Point at Him Some More

CelebritiesDirt Bag
Once Again, Let's Circle Around Justin Timberlake and Point at Him Some More
Graphic:Joan Summers/Jezebel

Justin Timberlake is very sorry for what he put wife Jessica Biel through after rudely rubbing up on co-star Alisha Wainwright during a drunken night out last year, in no small part because we’ve spent most of the time since circled up and pointing at him. Shame is a powerful weapon, it seems!

Us Weekly reports that the former pop star, current failed country music star slash actor, is “bending over backwards to get Jessica to forgive him and to make sure he’s there for her” and their son, four year old Silas. This includes all the very best things an incredibly rich husband like Timberlake can provide: “flowers, massages, and weekend getaways.” He’s spent a significant chunk of that time “sending Jessica lots of sweet texts,” which mostly involve reminding her how hot she is.

Here’s what makes me laugh about this, though. Tabloids brains are so broken by scandals like this, they concoct sentences like this: “The Social Network star even supported Biel at the season three premiere of The Sinner.” As if he wasn’t already contractually obligated to go! Besides, walking red carpets with your wife doesn’t make you a good husband, it makes you a cheap date.

One small not before we let him off the hook with our pointing: Where are the apologies for Janet Jackson and Alisha Wainwright? Our work is not done! [Us Weekly]

Close your eyes, and on the count of three, tell me the funniest career pivot you can imagine for Prince Harry, now that he and Meghan Markle have retreated to Los Angeles by way of Vancouver Island. One, two, three—Goldman Sachs influencer! By now, you’ve probably opened your eyes, and if you said anything other than Meghan Markle’s talent agent or Goldman Sachs influencer, sorry, you’re wrong!

Page Six reports that the prince is “reportedly in talks with the banking giant Goldman Sachs.” To do what, exactly? Well, The Mirror claims he was paid $1 million to party with JP Morgan bankers. I guess it would be whatever sort of job allows him to do that! Page Six muses that he could be a “high-profile speaker” for the bank, which is unpaid, but usually leads to further business opportunities for those involved.

What’s most interesting, of course, is the idea that he and Meghan Markle were probably planning this hullabaloo well in advance of Megxit last month. Good news for them, bad news for all those palace aides experiencing heightened levels of stress reading this right now! [Page Six]

Here is Lisa Rinna walking in a fashion show with her two daughters, radiating the energy of a mom who tells cashiers “I’m actually their sister!”

  • Jessica Simpson is beefing up her book tour after the forces of evil played siege to is this week. [TMZ]
  • How many times do you think Taryn Manning has actually seen Britney Spears in recent years? [TooFab]
  • Constance Wu will not watch Hustlers. [People]
  • Macaulay Culkin and Brenda Song are having a lot of sex. [Us Weekly]
  • Proving that I am literally always right, Jennifer Aniston celebrated her birthday at the Sunset Tower Hotel. [Just Jared]
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