Police Investigating Crap Letters from a Creepy Stalker in Canada


There are crap emails and letters that we can all laugh at, and then there are crap emails and letters that cross the funny line, veering dangerously into Thomas Harris territory. Take, for example, a series of ultra-creepy letters some stalker in British Columbia has apparently been writing to a specific woman who likes to walk her dogs on a popular trail and whose most winning characteristic, according to the letter writer, is that she seems to realize when she’s being watched.

Police in Campbell River, British Columbia, are trying to figure out the intent of some weird letters that recently turned up along Beaver Lodge trail, a popular place for people to walk their dogs, jog, or creep around in the woods spying on total strangers. The letters appear to have been written about a specific woman, and contain such icky lines as,

You could smell my cologne. I was close enough to hear you ask your friend if she smelt cologne.You obviously have sharp senses, as every time that you stop and look around yourself, I feel as if I am almost caught.


I am very impressed every time I see you in the woods. You seem to realize when you are being watched.

Police just want to know what the deal was with these letters. Like, are they failed attempts at romance, or murderous missives from someone who once borrowed Manhunter from the local Blockbuster, never returned it, and, now that Blockbuster is defunct, can never, ever return Manhunter, and so watches it, each night, as punishment for contributing to society’s general inclination towards sloth and selfishness?

As for the woman these letters were intended for, the police have spoke to her and she doesn’t seem too concerned that someone who’s watched too many serial killer movies is stalking her in the woods of British Columbia.

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