Today’s best comments are just happy to see you.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to The Druggy Perfume Commercial That’s Banned In The U.K.:
You wouldn’t scoff at this ban if you had seen whole communities destroyed by Chanel No5.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Pick-Up Artist Asks “ARE YOU READY TO LAY EVERY GIRL YOU MEET?”:
I suppose on one level these seminars and their proponents are entirely correct: their techniques will help you meet women.
But what happens to you after that is, legally and medically speaking, entirely your own fault.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Nancy Grace Sued For $5 Million:
You may take her money, but you’ll never take her dignity.
Because she has none.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to The Battle For Free Birth Control:
It’s always illuminating to me when the debate goes something like this:
Dr. Qualified to Comment on Medical Procedures: “This is a good idea, because of facts. This will reduce the number of Bads by this much, and increase the Goods by this much. This is based in science knowledge which I am ready to discuss.”
Morality League Representative: “This is a sin! To members of my league! We think it is wrong based on our feelings about lady parts!”
Dr. Qualified: “This is a major problem within the field of Science Medicine. This new solution will save money, while it is reducing harm. Here are charts, with percentages.”
Morality League: “LADYPART SIN FEELINGS!”
Rinse, repeat, bang your head against the desk as necessary.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Republicans Give Up On “Forcible Rape,” But Plan Still Sucks:
Luckily, private insurance AND medicare cover penis pumps, implants, and hard on pills. Men don’t seem to have to accept impotence as God’s plan for them.
• Best Comment Of The Day, also in response to Republicans Give Up On “Forcible Rape,” But Plan Still Sucks:
The GOP seems to treat all women like the The Girl Who Wouldn’t Talk To Them In High School, lumping every single American female into the sad memory of the young woman who wanted nothing to do with them in when they were 17.
Just thinking about TGWWTTTIHS makes the GOP so angry, so bitterly hurt even after all these years, that they do anything they can to get her attention. They propose bills that they hope will hurt her, or make her life so terrible that when she hears they passed it, she’ll be forced to remember their pudgy young faces and recall how cold, how unjustly, awfully mean she was to them. She turned them down for prom! The PROM! She DEBATED them in government class, offering up her stupid, foul liberal opinions, even when no one asked for them! She laughed all the time with her girlfriends and traveled to the city on the weekend, and never once invited the GOP. Not once. She read books from weird, foreign authors and went to Sarah Lawrence and, ugh! Just thinking about that place makes the GOP burn with alkaline anger!
She wouldn’t even look at me in the halls, the GOP still screams sometimes, late at night in their office. She wouldn’t even look at me!
They remember the time she came to school crying because Jimmy Smith tried to go to far with her on a date, and their lips twist into a mean smile, because if they couldn’t have her, then any man should be able to forcibly take her, after all she was nothing more than a terrible slut who deserved all bad things that came to her.
They redefine rape, hoping that this will finally teach her the lesson that she never was able to learn—that the things that happen to her are her fault! They’re her fault because she insisted on being different, on doing whatever she wanted; she insisted on not listening to the GOP!
They restrict birth control because they bet that she’s been on it for years, they vote down the Lilly Ledbetter act because they heard from an old classmate that TGWWTTTIHS works at a bank, and they want her to collect a lesser paycheck every week, just to remind her that her real place is in the home, with them.
They take every chance they get to go on Fox News or CNN, hoping that it plays in the background at her bank, hoping that she sees them and feels the regret that she should, hoping that she notices. They smirk and scowl, hoping she sees their disapproval of her life.
Sometimes, when its late at night and everyone is asleep,the GOP sneaks into their office and pulls open the drawer that hides their High School yearbook, and they stare at the picture of TGWWTTTIHS, and sometimes, just sometimes, they feel a weird, tight pull in their chests and they feel……sad. But every time they slam the book shut, and think about all the power they have, all the ways they can continue to hurt her, they smile.
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