Gather round, children! In today’s best comments we learn important lessons about analogies and not getting arrested on the Jersey Shore.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to NYC Parents Unwilling To Laugh At Birth Control Joke:
Time to learn analogies kids: Cathie Black is to Mike Bloomberg as Sarah Palin is to John McCain.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Jennifer Aniston Hated Her Famous Haircut:
Allure teddy bear to-do list, Wednesday:
1. Kill agent.
2. Block Aniston on IM, Gchat, Farmville.
3. Drink heavily.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to How Snooki’s Partying Became A Problem:
There once was a young lass named Snooki,
Whose alcoholism was kooky.
She looked like a spoof,
With her tan and her poof,
And her frequently tossing her cookies.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Dr. Laura Goes Even More Crazy, Fears Her Own “Assasination”:
Obviously, Dr. Laura and Sarah Palin are competing for the final spot on the US team for the Crazy Attention Whore competition in the 2012 London Olympics. It’s just amazing to watch these two atheletes, both clearly at the top of their sport. The dedication required to wake up everyday at 4 AM and get out there, rain or shine, and just completely make an ass of yourself… it’s truly inspirational.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Why Is Charla Krupp’s Horrible Bodysnarking Routine In Time:
If you’re trying to shame Helena Bonham Carter based on the standards of mainstream celebrity culture, you’re barking up the wrong tree. You should be looking for one that’s hollowed out, preferably in a cemetery or art installation. Either works.
• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Has Fat TV Maxed Out?:
My rant might be slightly off topic…
Fat TV shouldn’t even exist. Not because fatties shouldn’t be on TV, but because the nature of a television show is *spectacle.* Fat people on TV are a *spectacle* and something to be ogled, poked, and prodded. Not unlike the fat lady in a circus freak show. TV will *never* be able to provide us with a show about fat people that doesn’t incorporate weight loss in some way. It defies the widely accepted narrative that fat people should lose weight or resign themselves to being inhuman freaks. It’s just never gonna happen.
If I were the Queen of Television, I’d put on a documentary style TV show profiling the gobs of fat people out there who are active, healthy, and happy. Fat people who can dance, fat people who run 5Ks or farther, fat people who hike in the summer and ski in the winter, fat people who are vegans, fat people who are brilliantly creative and fabulous, fat people who are sharp and super genius smart, fat people who ride bikes, fat people who are happy and content with their lives…everything that supposedly only skinny people can be and do, because these fat people exist. They are out there, living life in the moment, instead of spending every goddamn waking hour counting fucking calories, waiting for some mythical “when I’m skinny then I’ll…” moment.
This is why fat TV shouldn’t exist, because TV will never, ever give us the above. It will only give us people who desperately unhappy, and refuse to show them happy and acceptable until they are a size 2. So, I hope that fat TV is over.
/rant
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