Woman Planks for Hours While I Struggle to Sit up Straight in a Chair

Woman Planks for Hours While I Struggle to Sit up Straight in a Chair
Image:dbg_plankdoyoga (Instagram)

I’ll be the first person to admit that I have an unusual gym routine. First, there’s the fact that my gym attendance is, let’s say, erratic at best. More than once I’ve walked directly past my gym, gym clothes already on, and gotten directly on the bus back home avoiding even making a passing glance at the front door like it was a person I’ve been ignoring on whatever dating app I’m swiping on that week.

Second, I’m not too proud to admit that my gym playlist is, uh, questionable at best. I’ve of course got some dance floor classics that I will regularly imagine myself performing a very elaborate drag routine to as motivation to keep running on the treadmill, but then you hit the showtunes and it’s all down hill from there. I’m not proud of it, but I’m also not ashamed. Nothing get’s me through a workout-closing two-minute plank like the last two minutes of ‘The Wizard and I,’ and that’s not something I’ll apologize for.

However, it is why I’ve got to know what’s Dana Glowacka’s playlist, who set the world record for holding a plank at over four hours.

Glowacka, a yoga teacher from Canada, planked for four hours, nineteen minutes, and fifty-five seconds, which is longer than I can do pretty much anything.

The record was set at the 1st International Plank Training Conference, which sounds like a place that is actually my worst nightmare brought to life, although I’m glad it exists so that folks like Glowacka can do their thing.

Truly I can’t even sit up straight for more than fifteen minutes without freaking out about my posture, and I can’t get through more than fifteen seconds of a plank unless Idina Menzel is belting her face off into my ear holes. I’d love to know what Glowacka’s got pumping in her earbuds. If it’s showtunes, I will officially consider myself an athlete by association, and if it’s not, well, that’ fair I guess.

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