Seriously, How Is Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande's Love Pig Coping?

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As the nation fell into a period of mourning for Love (as a concept, which died with the engagement of Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson on 10/14/18, God rest its soul) a major concern roiled the Jezebel staff. Who gets custody of the pig, Piggy Smalls???

A Davidson “pal” kind enough to field questions has indicated to Page Six that apparently the pig stays with Grande:

Davidson has since moved out of the apartment he shared with Grande and their pet pig, Piggy Smalls. “He is staying with very close friends he considers family,” said the insider. “Pete has a strong support system.” (Davidson’s rep had no comment.)

But Piggy Smalls does not have a large support system; Piggy Smalls is a small hoofed animal who knows nothing of the universe outside of Ariana Grande’s vast shining white labyrinthian human habitat with no circadian rhythm or other pigs for emotional guidance. Tragically, an official for the American Pig Association told The Blast that pigs “hate change” and that “any upset in the home can send them into depression or bad behaviors.” They went on to note that Piggy Smalls shit on Ariana’s pillow earlier this week, which will become a monster-sized shit if somebody doesn’t get Piggy Smalls to therapy ASAP.

If it’s any consolation:

“I talked to Pete a few days ago and he was joking again,” said one Davidson pal. “He’s still in love with Ariana and sees a future with her.”

[Page Six]

Rave reviews are rolling in for Chris Pine’s penis, which debuts in his new film Outlaw King on Netflix on November 9th.

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