Someone Get Zola a Pulitzer or Potentially a Spot in the Witness Protection Program


Buckle up for Zola, a woman on Twitter who on Tuesday night wrote a contemporary epic in 150 tweets that will, I assume, within a year be adapted into a big-budget Tyler Perry/Quentin Tarantino collaboration called Zola & Jess & Jarrett & Z, or perhaps it will become a PSA of some sort, or maybe a canonical theater piece called:

Certainly, if it’s true, the odds are good that it will be presented to a jury.

The story of why Zola and “this here bitch” fell out has been deleted from Twitter since going viral overnight, but it survives in Storify and screencap form. It begins at Hooters.

Zola goes to Florida, and what follows is—well, you know that part of Their Eyes Were Watching God where Tea Cake gets rabies? It’s like that, except instead of the Everglades it’s a strip club and a series of increasingly terrifying motels and apartments, and instead of a rabid dog it’s a white girl named Jess who tricks for $100 until Zola sets her up a Backpage account, and instead of the reader it’s a man named Jarrett who won’t stop crying, and instead of Tea Cake it’s a guy named Z who, if the story is true, gets put away for an assortment of crimes, including murder.

Twitter has already started casting the movie:

As well as bringing up an aspect of the whole Raiders of the Lost Trap scenario that no sensible reader could ignore:

It’s fiction, I assume. At least, that’s what the lawyers will say if it’s not! In the meantime, Twitter detectives are on the case.

Updated to add (and then again to blur the top photo and censor the Instagram handle):

So, maybe that whole thing with Jarrett’s pants and the balcony really did happen?

Images via Twitter

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