Stabbing Vaginas Isn't A Fun Pre-Super Bowl Game, Conan O'Brien


Football’s irredeemable barbarism, glorification of war, and (now conscious) habit of putting big strong men into early graves makes the whole thing thoroughly unwatchable for me. I don’t like violent video games for similar reasons. So, it came as a big, huge, giant shock that I enjoyed this Conan O’Brien Show clip of Marshawn Lynch of the Seattle Seahawks and Rob Gronkowski of the New England Patriots playing the yet-to-be-released Mortal Kombat X. And I wasn’t the only one, (there are currently over 6,700,000 views on YouTube).

I was fully on board with this cutesy coming-together of the NFL’s biggest rivals. Lynch is comedic genius, and O’Brien had his moments too. For a moment I totally copped to the Superbowl hype, “maybe I’ll watch this thing tonight,” I thought to myself. But then that swell of genuine fervor blew away like a candle in the wind.

The female player controlled by Lynch stabbed/punched Gronkowski’s female player in the vagina with a sword. Like really hard. Like so hard that everyone gasped and Lynch let out a big “what the fuck was that?” O’Brien yelped back: “You can’t do that!” Yes you can, and it’s super fucking rapey and violent.

I’m not generally a kill joy but who the fuck thinks one huge professional athlete stabbing another professional athlete in the twat on a video game is funny?

Lest I remind everyone that domestic violence spikes on Super Bowl Sunday?

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